Ask anyone to define guilt and they would be
at a loss for words. It’s a feeling that is hard to describe. It can be for ‘something
you did,’ something you ‘think’ you did, ‘something you didn’t do
but want to,’ like helping someone in need, something you ‘should have’
done, something you ‘should not have done,’……… according to you.
Olden days' dictionary defined guilt as “delinquency”.
But modern age definition of guilt is “feelings for imagined offences, sense of
inadequacy, self-reproach”. Strangely, nowhere does it say that guilt is
related to things you actually did wrong.
That keeps self-love and guilt apart like north and south
poles.
It is said, “Love yourself first and everything else falls
into line”. Many of us walk around feeling guilty when we indulge in ourselves.
It’s an intense ‘empathy-based guilt’ where we feel that we have no
right to be happy when someone else is miserable or unhappy. That’s being very
unfair to our own selves and is bad for our physical and mental health.
How do we go about loving ourselves without feeling guilty? Here
we go.
Its common for a woman to feel guilty when she takes a break
from the routine chores or for a man to take a vacation because he feels he is
not doing productive things. How do we overcome it? Reassure yourself that you
are taking a break and doing it for a reason— to improve health, destressing,
etc, so there is no reason to feel guilty.
Its common for us to end up feeling guilty because we went
shopping on a weekend instead of visiting our friend or a loved one recuperating
in the nursing home. How do we overcome it? Take time out of your schedule
midweek for a visit.
Its common for us to end up feeling guilty because we decided
to relax with a book or watch TV than to meet a friend at a coffee shop for
some light conversation. How do we overcome it? By admitting to ourselves that
we are learning to set limits and take time for ourselves. By having the
confidence to admit that we made the right choice.
Its common for us to end up feeling guilty whenever we fail
to live up to someone’s expectations, to be highly critical of ourselves by not
acknowledging our own right choices, our own successes and our own shortcomings.
How to overcome it? By making a list of things that we like about ourselves and
displaying the list in more prominent places in our homes or carrying the list
with us and looking at it whenever we feel such guilt popping its head.
Many times, the things we feel guilty about are relatively
easy to make right.
He said it caused him to lose his appetite.
Then he added, "If my appetite doesn't improve I'll send the rest."
