Ways of exerting one's strength

"Some people like to appear tall by cutting off the heads of others," said Sri Yukteswar, guru of Paramahansa Yogananda.

Educator Booker T. Washington observed, "There are two ways of exerting one's strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." Pushers and pullers are the two types of people that we need to deal with on a daily basis in this world.
The first types who pull you up, inspire you and motivate you to achieve your goals and dreams. The positive type.

The second types who push you down, suck the energy from you and demotivate you. The negative type.

Obviously we love the first variety and need more of them in our lives. Everyone certainly needs encouragement -- pulling up. Encouragement is like a cup of cool water for a dry and parched throat.

But unfortunately life doesn't consist only of pullers. It is a concoction of both types. It takes all sorts to make the world go around. We are compelled to deal with both. Dealing with the first type is the easiest. We can relate to them easily. They ooze out positivity which is infectious. It’s the second variety, the negative ones that cause the concern. It can be really tough to get back up once someone has knocked us down. Self confidence gets heavily beaten up. Self-doubt and insecurities get triggered and are hard to put aside.

How to deal with these pushers? No, Its not a rocket science.

One way of treating these people is “ignore” or “accept”. "Ignore" when we understand that the pushing down is caused by plain jealousy. "Accept" when we find that the criticism is true, based on fact and not biased. After all let’s give the benefit of doubt to the offender. Let’s work on the conjecture that not always do people have an agenda in their minds. We might’ve committed a blunder inadvertently and hence we have to deal with it. Hence let’s ‘accept’ the pushing down.

Another way of dealing with it is to accept that it’s the way these pushers are made. It’s not our task to change them. Our focus should only be on changing ourselves and our acuity for the better.

Yet another way is to keep a distance from these pushers. Leave them behind and move on. They are not worth walking along with.

And last comes the most elevated way. Send them your love! I know it’s THE MOST difficult task on earth. If all of us had achieved the echelon of this elevation, we wouldn't be discussing this topic here. Right? And why should we send them, the offenders our love? Because it’s what we expect from them. Since they are lacking in it, let’s provide them with some quotient of it.

But the silver lining in the cloud is this. Life is not so cruel. It makes sure that when someone pushes us down, there is someone else who would pull us up. Life gives us an opportunity to become a much better person stronger in heart and mind. If we stop to think about it, we’ll end up thanking both.

The art of comforting

Offering genuine comfort to a grieving person is one of the most important things in life. It is an act of selflessness, as we offer a kind word or a reassuring touch to someone in need of it. But I’m sure all will concur that it is one of the most difficult tasks. Comforting others can be uncomfortable for many of us. We don’t know what to say. We are at a loss for words. We worry we might utter “wrong words” though not intentionally.

But this concern for saying the "wrong words" should not keep us away from comforting a friend or a loved one. Many times what needs to be said can be said best with silent words or by lending a listening ear. Hence, the best solution is often to say nothing at all, simply to be present.  Simple expressions of concern are what is most welcome, especially if it comes from a good listener.

Here’s a passage from Mr. Bayly’s "View from a hearse," in which he talks about his grief of losing three children over the course of several years. 

“I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he would go away. He finally did. Someone else came and sat beside me. He didn't talk. He didn’t ask leading questions. He just sat with me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go." 

Comforting others isn't always about opening our mouths. In fact, our sympathetic presence and a sympathetic ear may be all that is needed. The suffering person gets more comfort when he is allowed to talk and listened to sympathetically. But it doesn't stop there. We need to pray for the endurance of their suffering too.. Sometimes all that is needed is just to be an attentive listener. Other times, they may want more of a dialogue. 

There isn’t a soul who hasn’t seen hard times at some point or the other, though they present a picture perfect lives of them to the world. Life is giving us an opening to lend a comforting hand to the suffering. Lets grab it. 

Dazzling look or a meaningful personality?

A young spinster woman, 5’2” tall and little on the heavier side met with an accident and was to be admitted in the hospital. Her friend accompanied her. The nurse asked her about her physical height and weight specifications. 

The young woman non-nonchalantly said, 5’8” and 58 kg. 

The astonished nurse had to give a blank look. 

The embarrassed friend whispered to the young woman, “Dear its not the internet matrimony portal!” 

Yes, we live in an internet dominated age where looks weigh heavier than other aspects of the being. In a recent survey “Is it the looks or personality—which would you go for?” there were a myriad of answers. Most agreed that it has to be personality but despite, they do tend to go for looks. We all are painfully aware of the present scenario where a handsome man becomes the “blue-eyed boy” CEO of a corporate, the most charismatic face wins the elections, the most attractive faces become the brand ambassadors of any product.

It all started with a belief system during 18th century. A system called Physiognomy—the belief that you can judge a person’s character by looks, dates back to ancient Greeks and was popularized during 18th century. But during 19th century, physiognomy was written off as pseudoscience and met its own death. Thanks to the researchers around the globe it has now taken a new and more subtler avatar as new Physiognomy which is equally fascinating.

No doubt looks create a first highly influential impression and no doubt the first impression lasts too. Many times, when we meet a person for the first time, in the blink of an eye, we make a judgment—“he / she seems rude”, “I don’t like him / her”, “oh he looks so compassionate”, “I’m sure this one is a trustworthy person”…..etc. Once this snap judgment is made, the damage is done. No budging.

But is there really a validation in these snap judgments? More recently, researchers have re-examined the link between appearance and personality and have failed to find any association at all. On the contrary, there is some tormenting evidence that our faces can betray something about our character. An ‘innocent looking’ owner of a face may be as guilty as anyone else, for example.Looks can be deceitful. That’s because looks are a surface feature. That’s something that everybody notices all the time. Personality is a hidden feature which takes time to reveal itself. Looks are good for first impression sparks. Personality is really good for later on. Looks may be the first thing some people may pick up on, but no matter how dazzling the display is, there has to be something deeper to make a meaningful personality. 

After all, its said, “Do not judge a book by its cover.”

Someone said, “Good look catches the eye, but good personality catches the heart.” It cannot be expressed in a more superior manner.

Sure, let's care for our bodies, our looks. But life is prompting us not to overlook that inner splendor which translates into our personality. Ultimately that personality would win over looks.