Ways of exerting one's strength

"Some people like to appear tall by cutting off the heads of others," said Sri Yukteswar, guru of Paramahansa Yogananda.

Educator Booker T. Washington observed, "There are two ways of exerting one's strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." Pushers and pullers are the two types of people that we need to deal with on a daily basis in this world.
The first types who pull you up, inspire you and motivate you to achieve your goals and dreams. The positive type.

The second types who push you down, suck the energy from you and demotivate you. The negative type.

Obviously we love the first variety and need more of them in our lives. Everyone certainly needs encouragement -- pulling up. Encouragement is like a cup of cool water for a dry and parched throat.

But unfortunately life doesn't consist only of pullers. It is a concoction of both types. It takes all sorts to make the world go around. We are compelled to deal with both. Dealing with the first type is the easiest. We can relate to them easily. They ooze out positivity which is infectious. It’s the second variety, the negative ones that cause the concern. It can be really tough to get back up once someone has knocked us down. Self confidence gets heavily beaten up. Self-doubt and insecurities get triggered and are hard to put aside.

How to deal with these pushers? No, Its not a rocket science.

One way of treating these people is “ignore” or “accept”. "Ignore" when we understand that the pushing down is caused by plain jealousy. "Accept" when we find that the criticism is true, based on fact and not biased. After all let’s give the benefit of doubt to the offender. Let’s work on the conjecture that not always do people have an agenda in their minds. We might’ve committed a blunder inadvertently and hence we have to deal with it. Hence let’s ‘accept’ the pushing down.

Another way of dealing with it is to accept that it’s the way these pushers are made. It’s not our task to change them. Our focus should only be on changing ourselves and our acuity for the better.

Yet another way is to keep a distance from these pushers. Leave them behind and move on. They are not worth walking along with.

And last comes the most elevated way. Send them your love! I know it’s THE MOST difficult task on earth. If all of us had achieved the echelon of this elevation, we wouldn't be discussing this topic here. Right? And why should we send them, the offenders our love? Because it’s what we expect from them. Since they are lacking in it, let’s provide them with some quotient of it.

But the silver lining in the cloud is this. Life is not so cruel. It makes sure that when someone pushes us down, there is someone else who would pull us up. Life gives us an opportunity to become a much better person stronger in heart and mind. If we stop to think about it, we’ll end up thanking both.

The art of comforting

Offering genuine comfort to a grieving person is one of the most important things in life. It is an act of selflessness, as we offer a kind word or a reassuring touch to someone in need of it. But I’m sure all will concur that it is one of the most difficult tasks. Comforting others can be uncomfortable for many of us. We don’t know what to say. We are at a loss for words. We worry we might utter “wrong words” though not intentionally.

But this concern for saying the "wrong words" should not keep us away from comforting a friend or a loved one. Many times what needs to be said can be said best with silent words or by lending a listening ear. Hence, the best solution is often to say nothing at all, simply to be present.  Simple expressions of concern are what is most welcome, especially if it comes from a good listener.

Here’s a passage from Mr. Bayly’s "View from a hearse," in which he talks about his grief of losing three children over the course of several years. 

“I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he would go away. He finally did. Someone else came and sat beside me. He didn't talk. He didn’t ask leading questions. He just sat with me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go." 

Comforting others isn't always about opening our mouths. In fact, our sympathetic presence and a sympathetic ear may be all that is needed. The suffering person gets more comfort when he is allowed to talk and listened to sympathetically. But it doesn't stop there. We need to pray for the endurance of their suffering too.. Sometimes all that is needed is just to be an attentive listener. Other times, they may want more of a dialogue. 

There isn’t a soul who hasn’t seen hard times at some point or the other, though they present a picture perfect lives of them to the world. Life is giving us an opening to lend a comforting hand to the suffering. Lets grab it. 

Dazzling look or a meaningful personality?

A young spinster woman, 5’2” tall and little on the heavier side met with an accident and was to be admitted in the hospital. Her friend accompanied her. The nurse asked her about her physical height and weight specifications. 

The young woman non-nonchalantly said, 5’8” and 58 kg. 

The astonished nurse had to give a blank look. 

The embarrassed friend whispered to the young woman, “Dear its not the internet matrimony portal!” 

Yes, we live in an internet dominated age where looks weigh heavier than other aspects of the being. In a recent survey “Is it the looks or personality—which would you go for?” there were a myriad of answers. Most agreed that it has to be personality but despite, they do tend to go for looks. We all are painfully aware of the present scenario where a handsome man becomes the “blue-eyed boy” CEO of a corporate, the most charismatic face wins the elections, the most attractive faces become the brand ambassadors of any product.

It all started with a belief system during 18th century. A system called Physiognomy—the belief that you can judge a person’s character by looks, dates back to ancient Greeks and was popularized during 18th century. But during 19th century, physiognomy was written off as pseudoscience and met its own death. Thanks to the researchers around the globe it has now taken a new and more subtler avatar as new Physiognomy which is equally fascinating.

No doubt looks create a first highly influential impression and no doubt the first impression lasts too. Many times, when we meet a person for the first time, in the blink of an eye, we make a judgment—“he / she seems rude”, “I don’t like him / her”, “oh he looks so compassionate”, “I’m sure this one is a trustworthy person”…..etc. Once this snap judgment is made, the damage is done. No budging.

But is there really a validation in these snap judgments? More recently, researchers have re-examined the link between appearance and personality and have failed to find any association at all. On the contrary, there is some tormenting evidence that our faces can betray something about our character. An ‘innocent looking’ owner of a face may be as guilty as anyone else, for example.Looks can be deceitful. That’s because looks are a surface feature. That’s something that everybody notices all the time. Personality is a hidden feature which takes time to reveal itself. Looks are good for first impression sparks. Personality is really good for later on. Looks may be the first thing some people may pick up on, but no matter how dazzling the display is, there has to be something deeper to make a meaningful personality. 

After all, its said, “Do not judge a book by its cover.”

Someone said, “Good look catches the eye, but good personality catches the heart.” It cannot be expressed in a more superior manner.

Sure, let's care for our bodies, our looks. But life is prompting us not to overlook that inner splendor which translates into our personality. Ultimately that personality would win over looks.

Compliment than Reprimand

Two children were climbing a tree. It was their favorite pastime. Suddenly there was a gush of wind. The leaves started to rattle and the tree began to sway. The first child’s parent shouted, “Hey! Hold on!”  And the child held on...... without falling. The second child’s parent shouted, “Hey! Don’t fall!” And the child...... fell!

How do we explain this? Simple. The mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, it cannot see a negative picture at all. In order for the second child to process the command of not falling, the child’s brain had to first imagine falling and then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Which the brain found difficult to process in short time. Whereas the first child’s brain instantly had a positive image of him hanging on tightly.
Moral of the story: Usage of negative words has a toxic effect.

Like the second parent, many times in lives we do use toxic vocabulary words unwittingly while raising children. What we fail to recognize is that these negative vocabulary words are capable of bringing down the child’s self-confidence and self-worth. The major damage that this linguistic error can execute. And what are these toxic vocabulary words?

• But: "I know you are a good child. but........" This word negates any words that are pronounced prior to it however complimentary they were.
• Try: There is a difference between telling a child, “I’ll try to take you for a holiday” and “I’ll take you for a holiday this year”. The vocabulary “try” implies not having any serious intention to do it in the first place. Children should be encouraged to respect honesty. It presupposes failure.
• If: "If I come back from work early today, I'll take you out"....This word 'If' presupposes that any promises made MAY / MAY NOT not happen.
• Might: Again this is one word that defines nothing. It leaves options open for the child and leaves the child wondering what is in store.
• Would Have: Talks about things that didn't actually happen. So why waste time?
• Should Have: "You should have worked harder...." This draws attention to things that didn't actually happen plus makes the child feel guilty.
• Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
• Can't/Don't: Exactly the mistake committed by the second parent. These words force the child to focus on the opposite of what the parent wants.

Mahatma Gandhi found this principle to be true in his own experience. "If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it," he said. "But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it, even if I did not have the ability in the beginning." The ability which was borne out of sheer belief in positivity.

Here’s an illustration of what these toxic phrases do and how to replace them: 

Toxic phrase	Likely result	Better language
"Don't drop the ball!"	Drops the ball	"Catch the ball!"
"You shouldn't watch so much television."	Watches more television.	"I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Charity begins at home. To avoid using the toxic phrases on children, it is obligatory NOT to use it on our own selves. Phrases like “I am fat”, “I’m dark”, “My nose is ugly”….should consciously be avoided on oneself and actively replaced with positive vocabulary. 

Psychologists claim that it takes 10 positive statements to offset 1 negative statement. There is immense power in affirming positively. One needs to motivate and encourage rather than criticize, compliment rather than reprimand, be it children or anyone else.

Genuine smile, Fake smile and Invisible smile

Recently I came across a wonderful video on “The hidden Power of smiling” by Ron Gutman. http://mylifeyoga.com/2012/08/11/the-hidden-power-of-smiling/

It was an amazing talk on the power of smiling. He revealed some stunning facts in that talk.

§  One single smile can generate the same level of brain stimulants as finding $25,000 or upto 2000 bars of chocolate

§  Most adults smile about 20 times a day while children smile more than 400 times a day.

§  Studies show that even unborn children smile most of the time in the womb.

§  Smiling reduces stress hormone levels and increases the levels of stimulants, while also reducing blood pressure.

§  The fullness of a smile in a picture has been shown to be an accurate predictor of longevity, success, and well-being.

Well, what exactly is a smile? What causes a smile in one’s face? Charles Gordy answers this--"A "smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks."  A smile is nothing but externalization of an internal joy. A smile is an expression of happiness and joy in us. Smiling is one of the most basic biological uniform expressions of all humans.

Living in a jet age as such, we struggle juggling between too many things. Managing the kids around, cleaning the house, getting groceries…… we are always on the run. Lives can be busy at times and slow and boring at other moments. It's so easy to get caught up in everyday life that we forget how a simple thing like smiling takes so little effort and time.

Actually, there isn’t any great art behind smiling. We are all born to be happy, and we can show this happiness with that beautiful smile of ours. When you walk into a fun party where everyone is smiling and laughing, it's easy to get into the high spirit of the occasion. On the other hand, when you walk into a room where frowns are predominant, it's equally easy to start feeling a little lower in spirit. All it takes to uplift the mood in this room is to remember to smile away instantly without even blinking an eye! A smile is not something that you would like to save and store to be given sometime in the future! Use it when it is badly needed. 

But a point to be noted here. All smiles are not genuine. Sadly sometimes we have to fake a smile. Of course not in the bad sense of the term. To put it mildly it can be called a 'polite smile.' These smiles are generated by the conscious brain and can be performed at will. A smile which we show when we meet some strangers in the elevators, our next seat neighbor in the flight, the person standing behind us in the payment counter at the grocery store.... are all this kind of polite smiles. Genuine smiles, on the other hand, are generated by the unconscious brain and so are automatic. 

Is it possible for us to distinguish between a genuine smile and a fake one?  I came across this quick interactive quiz from BBC (http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/) to test out your ability to spot the difference between a real smile and a fake one. Please do take this test without fail. Its fun. It tells you how good you are at finding out the fake smile from a genuine one.

Real smile and fake smile apart, have you heard about ‘invisible smile’? Read this story on..

Mr. Menon was an old grouch, and everyone in town knew it. Kids knew not to go into his yard to pick a yummy apple, even off the ground, because old  Menon, they said, would come after you with his gun.

One day, 12 year old Annie was going to stay all night with her friend Priya. They had to walk by Menon’s house on the way to Priya's house, but as they got close Annie saw him sitting on his front porch and suggested they cross over to the other side of the street. Like most of the children, she was scared of Mr. Menon because of the stories she'd heard about him.

Priya said not to worry, Mr. Menon wouldn't hurt anyone. When they got close enough, Menon looked up with his usual frown, but when he saw it was Priya, a broad smile changed his entire countenance as he said, "Hello Miss Priya. I see you've got a little friend with you today."

Priya smiled back and told him Annie was staying overnight and they were going to listen to music and play games. Menon told them that sounded fun, and offered them each a fresh picked apple off his tree. They gladly accepted, Menon had the best apples in town.

When they got out of Menon's earshot, Annie asked Priya, "Everyone says he's the meanest man in town. How come he was he so nice to us?"

Priya explained that when she first started walking past his house he wasn't very friendly and she was afraid of him, but she pretended he was wearing an invisible smile and so she always smiled back at him. It took a while, but one day he half-smiled back at her.After some more time, he started smiling real smiles and then started talking to her. Just a "hello" at first, then more. She said he always offers her an apple now, and is always very kind.

"An invisible smile?" questioned Annie.

"Yes," answered Priya, "my grandma told me that if I pretended I wasn't afraid and pretended he was smiling an invisible smile at me and I smiled back at him, that sooner or later he really would smile. Grandma says smiles are contagious."

If as per Priya's grandma, every one of us wears an invisible smile, we too will find that even grouchy person like Mr Menon can't resist reciprocating it after a while. J

Follow your heart no matter what

"If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else." Yogi Berra once said.

All of us have dreams, ambitions and goals in life. A human life without dreams is a mundane one. But is it enough for one to have just dreams and ambitions but does nothing to achieve them? True some of the dreams have many road blocks, many challenges on the way to uproot. Its only strong will power and determination which will carry us through these obstacles. The reason for some people not working through their dreams is because they don’t feel that the dreams they are following is important. Here are a few points that one needs to ponder over before dreaming of a goal:





1. Do I really want to be there?

If we really want something very badly, we would find the necessary impetus to grasp it. If I happen to fall into deep water, and if I don’t know how to swim, my first effort would be to come out of that deep water at any cost. We are always highly motivated when certain things mean a lot to us.

2. Am I ready to work hard to achieve this goal?

Laziness takes one nowhere. The one and only way to combat laziness is hard work. And the previous point holds more weight here. If the dream is inspiring, laziness will vanish into thin air without any effort.

3. Am I ready to work till the end and not quit mid-way?

Life is full of challenges to face and changes to accept. There may be days when we get up in the morning to find frustratingly that things are not as we would want them to be. Many times our acquaintances and our relatives disappoint us and let us down. That’s the time when we have to believe in ourselves. A belief that these events are happening in our life to make our dreams come true. And not be a quitter.

Here’s a story about a young man Monty Roberts who owns a horse ranch. He was the son of a horse trainer who had to go from stable to stable, race track to race track, farm to farm, ranch to ranch training horses. As a result, the boy’s high school career was continually interrupted. He narrates his story here.

When he was a senior, he was asked to write a paper about what he wanted to be and do when he grew up.

“That night he wrote a seven-page paper describing his goal of someday owning a horse ranch. He wrote about his dream in great detail and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre ranch, showing the location of all the buildings, the stables and the track. Then he drew a detailed floor plan for a 4,000-square-foot house that would sit on a 200-acre dream ranch.
“He put a great deal of his heart into the project and the next day he handed it in to his teacher. Two days later he received his paper back. On the front page was a large red F with a note that read, `See me after class.’

“The boy with the dream went to see the teacher after class and asked, `Why did I receive an F?’

“The teacher said, `This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you. You have no money. You come from an itinerant family. You have no resources. Owning a horse ranch requires a lot of money. You have to buy the land. You have to pay for the original breeding stock and later you’ll have to pay large stud fees. There’s no way you could ever do it.’ Then the teacher added, `If you will rewrite this paper with a more realistic goal, I will reconsider your grade.’

“The boy went home and thought about it long and hard. He asked his father what he should do. His father said, `Look, son, you have to make up your own mind on this. However, I think it is a very important decision for you.’ “Finally, after sitting with it for a week, the boy turned in the same paper, making no changes at all.

He stated, “You can keep the F and I’ll keep my dream.”

Monty then turned to the assembled group and said, “I tell you this story because you are sitting in my 4,000-square-foot house in the middle of my 200-acre horse ranch. I still have that school paper framed over the fireplace.”

He added, “The best part of the story is that two summers ago that same schoolteacher brought 30 kids to camp out on my ranch for a week.” When the teacher was leaving, he said, “Look, Monty, I can tell you this now. When I was your teacher, I was something of a dream stealer. During those years I stole a lot of kids’ dreams. Fortunately you had enough gumption not to give up on yours.”

“Don’t let anyone steal your dreams. Follow your heart, no matter what.”

Can destiny be changed?

My maid in Mumbai posed a serious question to me one day. 

This is what she had to narrate. Her neighbour had a lady guest in her house some time back. This guest had come from a village to undergo treatment for her cancer. As luck would have it, this lady got cured totally and went back to her village. She is a lady who works on fields—“Kheti” as they call it. While working so, one day she got bitten by a snake and died on the spot. 

My maid’s question was, “Is this why God saved her from cancer? If she was fated to die soon anyways why did God save her from cancer? Why did HE make her go through this? Was it her fate? Was it her destiny?”

Well, at that moment I had no convincing answer. It set me thinking though. I had a doubt myself. Was it fate? Was it destiny? Aren’t both fate and destiny same? Or have they donned the different avatars with the same meaning?

I had to glance through the dictionary for an answer.

Lets take Destiny in the first place. Destiny is described in the dictionary as , “A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control: "Marriage and hanging go by destiny"(Robert Burton); The power or agency thought to predetermine events: Destiny brought them together. Some thing that is to happen or has happened to a particular person or thing; lot or fortune.

Fate is described as , “a calamitous or unfavourable outcome or result; death, destruction, or downfall to predetermine; doom—“he was fated to lose the game"; a destiny or doom, eg death—“A terrible fate awaited her”; controlled or intended by fate—“He seemed fated to arrive late wherever he went.”

After analyzing the vivid meanings of Fate and Destiny as given in the dictionary, though they had the same overlapping synonyms, the subtle difference glared at me...... Fate is always associated with the negative factor where as Destiny need NOT be negative.

In fact one of the meanings for Fate was --Unfavorable destiny; doom. That’s what convinced me the existence of difference between both.

Destiny is something that drives us towards our chosen destination. It nurtures hopes and takes us to a place where we are “destined” to find happiness. Destiny allows us to choose the path. While Fate takes away our choices. Its something that happens to us whether we desire it or not. For some, its cruel, though it is meant for strengthening one’s inner power to achieve great things. 

The responsibility for finding our Destiny is ours alone. 

But Fate finds us.




Going by this theory I thought I got the answer for my maid’s question. It was destiny which brought the woman from the village to be cured of her cancer. And it was Fate that made her embrace death from a snake bite.

It was "Destiny" which saved some people during "9/11"-- people who missed to be present in the place of tragedy for some reasons beyond their control. Some silliest reasons. And it was "Fate" which consumed the lives of many.

Sometime back I had published a story on “destiny” in my FB page. Despite being repetitive, I would like to narrate it here for it describes the word “Destiny” very aptly.

During a momentous battle, a Japanese general decided to attack even though his army was greatly outnumbered. He was confident they would win, but his men were filled with doubt.

On the way to the battle, they stopped at a religious shrine. After praying with the men, the general took out a coin and said, "I shall now toss this coin. If it is heads, we shall win. If it is tails we shall lose."

"Destiny will now reveal itself."

He threw the coin into the air and all watched intently as it landed. It was heads. The soldiers were so overjoyed and filled with confidence that they vigorously attacked the enemy and were victorious.

After the battle. a lieutenant remarked to the general, "No one can change destiny."

"Quite right," the general replied as he showed the lieutenant the coin, which had heads on both sides.     

Life taught me a subtle lesson here. Now I could convincingly conclude that it was “Destiny” which brought victory for the Japanese team while it was “Fate” which made the enemies lose. Do you agree?

The day one truly grows up

“When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” ― C.S. Lewis


This is how I would describe maturity. “Putting away childish things including the fear of childishness and the desire to grow up”. 

Steve Goodier narrates his own definition of maturity in one of his posts in his blog,
“My wife and I were married when we were young. And I have to say, I don’t love her like I used to. I’ve changed, and so has she. Enough years will do that. We’ve been through ups and downs. We grew older. And I my feelings for her grew older, too.
The relationship feels more secure now. I think it is a better love than years ago – more enduring. More solid. Like the two of us, our love grew up."

And maybe they could live the rest of their life without having to articulate to each other, “I love you.” Life has ripened them and matured them for certain.

Maturity manifests itself in different avatars.

Maturity is……….

Capacity to take right decisions and more than that --“stick to it.” In short maturity is “accountability”. “The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up.” ― John C. Maxwell. Looking at it from this angle, it’s a pity to conclude that lots of our politicians are "immatured”.

“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.” Says Mark Z. Danielewski. Its very easy for one to pretend that one knows everything. But the ignorance will reveal itself at some point or the other. Accepting the fact of “i-do-not-know” is maturity.

“Maturity is when your world opens up and you realize that you are not the center of it.” Says M.J. Croan. Being “jealous” is absolute immaturity. Everyone gets what he deserves. Accepting that is maturity.

Unfortunately this world is full of immature people who vanish into thin air when their friends & acquaintances need them the most. They either turn up late or never at all, knowingly. They don’t mean what they say or do what they mean. Maturity is “dependability”. Extending a shoulder to someone to cry on saying, “I-am-there-for-you-come-what-may” is maturity. Maturity is that time when the mirrors in our mind turn to windows and instead of seeing the reflection of ourselves we see others. “Youth ends when egotism does; maturity begins when one lives for others.” ― Hermann Hesse, Gertrude.

Waiting for things to happen without getting agitated is maturity. It’s the immatured who wants things to get done “NOW”. They do not have the capacity to resist the urge for immediate gratification. Whereas the matured opt for a course that will pay off later.

Maturity is humility. When warranted, saying “Yes, I’m wrong” and NOT saying “I told you so” when others go wrong.

Maturity is perseverance. Giving up on things that we wanted mid-way because we 'knew’ we would never get them is not maturity. You never 'know'.

Maturity is not “back-biting”. It’s the occupation of the immatured.

To be able to hear and bear the worst that is said about one's own self is maturity. To err is human but to be able to laugh at one's own error is maturity. “The rate at which a person can mature is directly proportional to the embarrassment he can tolerate.” Douglas Engelbart

The list is endless. We can go on and on.........But when and where to stop........is maturity!

There goes a saying, “Lord! Give me the strength to accept that which cannot be changed, the courage to change that which can be changed and the wisdom to know the difference.“

That wisdom in precise terms is maturity. Life endows everyone with that wisdom without fail. Its upto us to take it or leave it. 

"We make a difference"

Today is a special day. Teachers’ day. World over it’s the teachers who play the greatest role in moulding a child’s character. It is said that there are 3 kinds of teachers. A good teacher who tells, a superior teacher who explains and a great teacher who inspires. When I asked some teachers which one they would love to become, unanimously they all declared that they would love to belong to the third category. And how does the inspiring teacher stand out from the other teachers? What makes the difference? The answers were………

The inspiring teacher …………..
Influences the child to become........... what he wants to.
Shows a child who doesn’t like maths………………….how to love it
Makes the child put down the remote …………and take a book instead
Makes the child speak in front of the class……………without fear
Makes the child who feels butterflies in the stomach before a test……….feel good
Gives confidence to the child to do better on school……………….and on filed
Is a child’s super hero……….even if only for an hour
Treats the job less like a business………………and more like a pleasure
Is one who doesn’t quit……………until every child gets it

Yes. Just beneath the surface, in most teachers, beats a heart of service. They make a difference. Do you know why?

*It is because after God created men and women on the 6th day, he rested on the 7th day. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day.

For it was on that day-the 8th day-that God created the FIRST TEACHER.

This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications. 

In general, God made the TEACHER more durable than other men and women.

The TEACHER was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 p.m.- with no rest in between.

The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with thirty-five "monsters" on a rainy Monday.

And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 103 term papers over Easter vacation. Yes, God made the TEACHER tough...but gentle too.

The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student...of those of the sixteen year old girl who was not asked to the prom.

The TEACHER was equipped with three pairs of eyes, "One pair that can see a student for what he is and not what society has labeled him. Another pair must be in the back of her head, to see what she shouldn't, but what she has to know. And one last pair in front can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect, 'I understand and I still believe in you' without so much as uttering a word."

And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books haven't arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow.

And God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the TEACHER's heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, "I hate this class-it's boring!" and to love the kid who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a "goodbye", let alone a "thank you".

And lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell... hoping not to have lunchroom duty... hoping that Friday would come... hoping for a free day.... hoping for deliverance.

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, "Come to bed. Tomorrow..."

"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who comes to work when she is too sick ...can still teach a class when they don't want to learn...loves thousands of children that are not her own...and all of this in both sexes. And wait until you see my Special Ed teacher! She is truly special; she will never take anything her students do for granted."

When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of his hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good! And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future.

He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS.

I bow to you teachers who make a difference in the child’s life. 

*http://www.inspiringteachers.com

Love Divine gives - does not demand

In his book The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis divides love into four categories based on the four Greek words for love: affection, friendship, eros (romance), and charity. The last one stands for unconditional love and the author views this as the greatest love. Though he correlates it to Love of God, an Unconditional Love as the name suggests, is something without boundaries--Infinite. It cannot be measured nor can be limited. The best paradigm for unconditional love is “mother’s love”. Where the love is given freely no matter what. It is of a higher nature. Its giving only for the sake of “giving” and not for “earning” anything out of it. 

An unknown author beautifully portrays the possibilities of unconditional love in this heartfelt story titled "The Rock" as narrated by Steve Goodier in http://stevegoodier.blogspot.com/

"As she grew older her teenage daughter became increasingly rebellious. It culminated late one night when the police arrested her daughter for drunk driving. Mom had to go to the police station to pick her up.

They didn't speak until the next afternoon.

Mom broke the tension by giving her a small gift- wrapped box.

Her daughter nonchalantly opened it and found a little rock inside.

She rolled her eyes and said, 'Cute, Mom, what's this for?'

'Read the card,' Mom instructed.

Her daughter took the card out of the envelope and read it. Tears started to trickle down her cheeks. She got up and lovingly hugged her mom as the card fell to the floor.

On the card were these words: 'This rock is more than 200,000,000 years old. That is how long it will take before I give up on you.'"

This mother is not saying, "I will love you IF….." Instead she says that she will love her daughter forever and nothing can change that. 

Classic example to show how unconditional love separates the person from his / her behavior. The mother realized that it is the behavior of the daughter that has to be handled and not the daughter herself.

This Unconditional Love is the need of the day. We all need this as bad as we need food and air to survive. We seek it in our relationships, families, work place…. in short wherever we go. Why? Because all our actions have a direct impact on ourselves and the planet in which we live. It is the lack of this love which is causing the prevailing unrest, violence, increasing incidences of alcohol and drug addictions, over flowing jails……..

How do we practice this unconditional love? Life has filled us all with abundant opportunities to show unconditional love by way of kindness, forgiveness, respectfulness, etc. We human beings are endowed with endless powers to recreate the world we live in. We have the amazing choice to create a world of joy and happiness around us. We have the power to transform ourselves and the planet in which we live. We are endowed with tools like compassion, letting go, etc to encounter any negative influences that we come across every day.

The law of attraction operates here in an overwhelming magnitude. When we give love, the world around will give that love back to us in multitudes. 

"Love expects no reward. Love knows no fear. Love Divine gives - does not demand. Love thinks no evil; imputes no motive. To Love is to share and serve.” Says Swami Sivananda

Life has hidden this love deep down in the hearts of all of us without any discrimination of caste and creed. Its upto us to go deeper, dig it and bring it to the surface to make this a better planet to live in and love in.

Bold and Beautiful

Long ago the Kingdom of Chandrapuri was ruled by a king named Raja Ananda Chandra. He was very generous and was liked by his subjects. 

One day the king was worried because he was losing his hair. 

He noticed that every day the bald patch on his head was growing larger and larger. 

Finally he summoned his physician and told him that unless he did something to restore his hair he would cut off his (the physician’s) head. 

The poor man did his best, but he knew that there was no cure for baldness, and one day the last of the King’s hair fell off and he became completely bald. 

The physician was arrested and taken to the place of execution.

As he put his head on the execution block, his turban fell off. When the turban of the physician fell down, the king noticed that like him, the physician was also bald. The king now realised that baldness was a natural process. Everybody and anybody could suffer, it could not be stopped. He realized that when the physician could not grow hair for himself then how he could grow it for him.

This seemed to have a strange effect on the king. 

The king immediately stopped the execution and pardoned the man.  

The main point to ponder here is why did the king want to restore his hair in the first place at all? What would've happened if he became bald?

Mainly because we live in an age where most of us increasingly lay too much stress on physical beauty. We want face lifts, hair transplants and cosmetic surgery. Why? For no other reason than to sport a different look bent more towards so called ‘beauty’! It’s a pity that no one recognizes that beauty is a quality that shines from inner depths. It’s a pity that we have narrowed down the meaning of the word ‘beauty’. Poet Khalil Gibran said, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." No, its not only women. Men too place great emphasis on their bodies. Studies show that in 1972, 17% of men didn't like their appearance. Today, almost 50% of men are reported being unhappy with their looks.

So what is required to accept baldness? Boldness. One needs to be bold enough to accept one’s own physical appearance. Be it dark, fat, thin, plump, bald……… One of the meanings that the dictionary gives for the word ‘bold” is being ‘self-assured’. When a person is self assured, he / she doesn’t feel insecure any more about his / her physical appearance. A self assured person knows fully well that the physical appearance inevitably changes with age. The more we accept the fact that the beauty lies within, the easier for us to let go of attachment to physical beauty and age gracefully

Sadly, the other day I was aghast to find in the book stall a bunch of books on “How to feel and look younger.” It left me wondering why should one “look younger”? Does it mean that as we age we start looking worse? How untrue! In my opinion, age brings in more maturity and inner beauty that has been gathered by life’s experiences. The physical beauty of youth will fade. But the beauty of the inner spirit, when nurtured, will grow forever. 

True it is said that body is like a temple. We should take care of it. But life advices us here to remember to be Bold and Beautiful. Says Steve Goodier, “Let's care for our bodies; we'll keep them for the rest of our lives. Let's be thankful for them and treat them well. But remember, the real you, the essence of you, cannot be improved by a bottle or a pill or a salon. It is a beautiful and glorious light shining from your heart to the heart of the world. Cherish the real you - it's pretty terrific. And let it shine.” 

Would you rather be happy or right?

While at sail a Captain of a steamship hears a distress call. 

“Captain, Captain you must alter your course by 10 degrees, you are in danger of collision.” 

To which the Captain replies, “I am a mighty steamship sound and sturdy, I say to you, if my path in dangers you, you should alter your course, I will not.” 

The voice once again cries out, “Captain! Captain! You must take heed and change your course by twenty degrees; you are in danger of collision.” 

The captain replies, “I am at sail and will not change. I am a mighty and fierce steam ship.” 

The voice replies, “Yes you are a steamship, but I am a lighthouse.” 

We do not know what happened to the ship but what we can certainly make out from this is the EGO of the captain. The Ego which might’ve led to his fall. 

Now look at this famous story from Panchatantra 

A turtle who was very talkative once overheard the plan of two hunters who schemed to catch turtles the very next day. The turtle turned to two cranes for help to elude the conspiracy of the hunters. It weaved a plan where in the cranes were to hold a long stick at their ends between their beaks.

The turtle was to close its mouth tightly in the middle of the stick so that it would be carried away to a safe distance when the birds make their flight.

The cranes agreed to the idea and asked the turtle to hold the stick firmly. The cranes took off with their flight with the turtle dangling in the middle of the stick. When the birds were up high in the air with the turtle, people from below were awe struck about the strange sight. 

They exclaimed "What clever birds! A brilliant idea to carry a turtle!" The proud turtle who could not contain himself shouted out "The idea is mine!", only to tumble from above to land on the earth. 

It was the PRIDE of the turtle which caused its fall. 

Both stories talk about fall. But can you notice the subtle difference between the attitudes of the characters? 

In the case of the former it was arrogance which led to the fall. Whereas, the turtle was genuinely proud of his plan and he wanted the world to know about his achievements. But the basic and important difference here is the turtle was not arrogant. Ego is an obsession with just having to be right and is often rather selfish while pride is based on the facts of a person's achievements and feelings of these qualities and so is less selfish. In short Ego is “false-pride”. Being proud about some quality which does not exist. The captain of the ship acted on ego while the Turtle acted on pride. Ofcourse both had to become Humpty Dumpty to have had a great fall ultimately. 

Pride as such is a positive and healthy feeling if practiced in the right sense. One can be proud of his country, his nation, his parents, his off-springs, his family………… He becomes more confident in such cases. But when these feelings turn to the extreme to say that all the rest is nothing in front of these—the ego creeps in. This is the thin wall that separates both. The more one feeds the ego, the more it grows. Ego is very fragile and so gets hurt very fast but pride is more steadfast. 

But it is evident that both need an antidote and that antidote is humility. When the ego and pride are dropped and the outlook embraces humility, a new light is thrown on the perception. The Truth is revealed under new perspective. Humility paves the way to move forward with confidence and self respect. 

Life is telling us here to stop for a moment and look at it in a new perspective with humility, not to allow ego and pride to control us so that we become more successful in leading a peaceful and happy life. 

“The ego spends a lot of time practicing always being right. When someone says something that you'd normally disagree with just for the purpose of making them wrong, try saying "You're right about that." While the ego will loudly protest, this strategy can bring you peace and happiness. And would you rather be right or happy?” says Dr Wayne Dyer. 

Dr Wayne Dyer has posed a brain storming question. “Would you rather be happy or right?” ………

Let’s decide for ourselves.

I am the way I am

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."

This is what I call “presence of Mind”. The ability to think and act calmly and efficiently, especially in an emergency. This happens when the mind is under our full control. It’s a natural gift. Its instinctive. It’s the ability to think out of the box. So, do I mean to say that those who do not have this gift are at a loss? No, certainly not. It can undeniably be developed. Because the mind is affectionately called ‘monkey mind’. And because the monkeys can be trained to do what you want.

Blessed are those who are gifted with this ability. But for those who are not, here’s some tips. The brain needs some exercise to be alert and fragile to execute presence of mind. Practicing brain stimulating vocabulary activities like solving crosswords & jumbles, numerical activities like Sudoku & Kakuro, solving brain teasers, riddles, puzzles……….. anything that stretches the mind a little more. Watching good, clean standup comedies helps a lot. These comedians have a great presence of mind. But the key word here is GOOD and CLEAN! One more good news is that some of the video games that our kids play help them to think faster and respond quickly. So try playing these games with the kids. Double gain here. We can have a control on what kids play in the computer.

If you are game for more deeper mind and soul exercises--yogasanas and breathing exercises which teach our mind to concentrate more and be alert are for you. The pinnacle of all these is meditation. The best way to train the mind to be calm.

But the question here is consistency. Remember it takes time to develop a sharp mind. Giving up half way does not help. We have already learnt that patience and hard work always pays.

All said and done there is one key factor in which the mind has to be trained........
To remind us TO BE OURSELVES. Tall or short, fat or thin, sharp wit or dumb, WE ARE WHAT WE ARE and we have to be proud of our own selves. If we do not have presence of mind, so what? Shrug it off and be cool. Remember? AYE, LYE and FLY ……is the key. Isn’t that what life teaches us?

Do you quit easily?

It saddened me unendingly last week to read a news about an entrepreneur in Mumbai ending his life due to personal problems. One thing baffled me greatly though. If one has the Courage to end one’s life, where did that same courage go when it came to facing the challenges in life? In my opinion the former requires more courage.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting inspite of it” said Mark Twain. He adds, “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." 

What is courage? Is courage the only act faced by the soldiers fighting the odds at the border? "Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount" says Branden Francis Behan. How true! 

Everyone of us faces a real test for courage in our everyday lives. 
The courage to say “NO” when warranted, 
the courage to stand up for our beliefs, 
the courage to resist when we are tempted to perform an unlawful act, 
the courage to insist on others to perform their duties lawfully, 
the courage to voice your opinions………… 
our daily life itself is a test for courage. Its way of our life. 

“We must have the courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness.” Maxwell Maltz

Here’s a beautiful poem "Don't Quit," by Author Unknown that I loved which speaks volumes in a nutshell

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

Life keeps reminding us that some times we have to make painful decisions in life in order to embark on a journey. It may be painful to let go. But the alternative is even more painful. Watch this wonderful video which speaks for itself.  http://www.inspirationjunction.com/skyquestcom/community/ij/asp/ijDetail.asp?txtIJID=26/07/2006-11:58:58-26306913061710596681&langid=2&root=

Rise, Fall and Equanimity

Last week whole of India was talking about one man. Rajesh Khanna. The Superstar who breathed his last. There were frenzied crowd fighting the rains, surrounding his house to have a last glimpse of him. After all, he was a Super star. The entire media was articulating his life and achievements as a superstar. Of course, all and only nice things about him. After all, it is not acceptable to speak ill of the deceased. In the middle of all this, a chance encounter in google took me to this site http://ibnlive.in.com/news/the-darker-shades-of-rajesh-khannas-life/272808-8-66.html

One fact stared at me crystal clear when I read that news. How a meteoric rise can affect a person who is not balanced in life. The monetary comforts, fame, flattery etc can easily take us all for a ride, to a dizzy heights. It makes one easy to be consumed by an overpowering pride. But when the fall happens, the story is different. It’s a collision between fantasy and reality. Which again takes one to a dizzy low. 

Maintaining equanimity in life is the question here. The ability to maintain a calm and sane attitude under all circumstances be it pleasant or unpleasant. One look at life will tell us that life is a continuous contrast of success and failure, gains and losses, rise and fall. I have already discussed it in one of my previous posts. This Zen story illustrates it further.

A young student at a Zen monastery comes to his master and throws himself at his feet, sobbing. The teacher lifts him up gently, and asks him, “What is troubling you, my son?” “O master,” the student falters, “I am so discouraged. My meditation is a nightmare—my mind is always running after worldly thoughts, my legs ache, I'm constantly falling asleep… I cannot concentrate on anything for even a breath. I think that I am just not cut out for meditation.”

The master pats his head and comforts him “Do not worry, my child. This is only a stage. It will pass, it will pass.” The student heaves a big sigh, bows to his master, and goes back to the meditation hall.

A few days later, he comes running to his master, grinning from ear to ear. “O master, by your grace, my meditation is completely transformed now! I’m getting so much joy, so much peace, so much depth…”

The master responds calmly, “Do not worry, my son. It will pass, it will pass.”

It IS a struggle to maintain an equanimous state in such circumstances. But not that difficult a struggle that one cannot face or overcome if only we understand that everything in life is only temporary. What is permanent then?

Unconditional  love. It is the only thing that can take us through the ocean of life. “Without compassion, the brain power that distinguishes humans from other animals can be a destructive force,” says Dalai Lama, who shows us how it is possible to remain equanimous even in the face of adversity. He adds, “If there is love, there is hope to have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace. If the love within your mind is lost, if you continue to see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education you have, no matter how much material progress is made, only suffering and confusion will ensue.”

Lee Iacocca once asked legendary football coach Vince Lombardi what it took to make a winning team. The book entitled Iacocca records Lombardi's answer.

There are a lot of coaches with good ball clubs who know the fundamentals and have plenty of discipline but still don't win the game. Then you come to the third ingredient: “if you're going to play together as a team, you've got to care for one another. You've got to love each other. Each player has to be thinking about the next guy and saying to himself: If I don't block that man, Paul is going to get his legs broken. I have to do my job well in order that he can do his.”

"The difference between mediocrity and greatness," Lombardi said that night, "is the feeling those guys have for each other."

What a beautiful thought! What a wonderful feeling! “Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of others.” Says Oscar Wilde. 

Life teaches us here that happiness is not coupled with rise, wealth, success or gain alone. It is something beyond that. Its attained when we surpass all these and maintain an attitude that is filled with unconditional love which ultimately showers the equanimity that is required to lead a peaceful life.