Dictionary defines forgiveness as “to stop feeling anger toward someone who has done something wrong; to stop blaming (someone); to stop feeling anger about (something).”
Understanding what forgiveness is not, is just as important as understanding what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness does not in general mean forgetting / overlooking / pardoning the offender. Replacing the hatred with happiness, displeasure with delight, exasperation with ease, petulance with peace and animosity with agreeability is forgiveness too. It brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him from being a prisoner of his own destructive frame of mind.
A beautiful legend tells of an African tribe that ritualizes forgiveness.*
When a tribe member acts irresponsibly or unjustly, the offender is taken to the center of the village. All work ceases and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused.
Then the tribe bombards the rejected person with affirmations!
One at a time, friends and family enumerate all the good the individual has done. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with some detail and accuracy is recounted. All their positive attributes, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length.
Finally, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the outcast is welcomed back into the tribe.
What a beautiful ritual of restoration.
Once again they are family. The rejected one is restored and the village is made whole.
* Story taken from http://www.LifeSupportSystem.com by Steeve Goodier
Though there is still a debate over whether forgiveness should replace negative feelings with positive feelings towards the offender, psychologists agree that it empowers the forgiver to heal and move on life.
Understanding what forgiveness is not, is just as important as understanding what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness does not in general mean forgetting / overlooking / pardoning the offender. Replacing the hatred with happiness, displeasure with delight, exasperation with ease, petulance with peace and animosity with agreeability is forgiveness too. It brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him from being a prisoner of his own destructive frame of mind.
A beautiful legend tells of an African tribe that ritualizes forgiveness.*
When a tribe member acts irresponsibly or unjustly, the offender is taken to the center of the village. All work ceases and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused.
Then the tribe bombards the rejected person with affirmations!
One at a time, friends and family enumerate all the good the individual has done. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with some detail and accuracy is recounted. All their positive attributes, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length.
Finally, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the outcast is welcomed back into the tribe.
What a beautiful ritual of restoration.
Once again they are family. The rejected one is restored and the village is made whole.
* Story taken from http://www.LifeSupportSystem.com by Steeve Goodier
Though there is still a debate over whether forgiveness should replace negative feelings with positive feelings towards the offender, psychologists agree that it empowers the forgiver to heal and move on life.
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