Stop being a glass. Become a lake

(Parable)

Once a lady was disturbed, feeling insulted and finding it difficult to cope up with her difficult situations in life. She had heard of a great old man who is the best teacher. She decided to go to him and ask him to teach her how to manage life. 

After hearing her problems, the old man instructed the unhappy lady to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. 

"How does it taste?" he asked. 

"Very bad and salty," replied the lady.

Then the old man asked the lady to walk with him to a nearby lake. Then he asked her to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. When the lady swirled handful of salt into the lake, the old man said, "Now go get a glass of water from the lake and drink it"

After she drank the lake water the old man asked, "How does it taste?" 

"Good!" replied the lady. 

"Did you taste the salt?" asked the Master. 

"No, not at all " said the lady.

The Old man said, "The problems, and the pain you feel are just like handful of pure salt, no more, no less. The amount of pain and problems in life remains exactly the same. But the amount we learn to tolerate the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to accept it with patience and learn to solve the problems. Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"

Set yourself free

Dictionary defines forgiveness as “to stop feeling anger toward someone who has done something wrong; to stop blaming (someone); to stop feeling anger about (something).”

Understanding what forgiveness is not, is just as important as understanding what forgiveness is.

Forgiveness does not in general mean forgetting / overlooking / pardoning the offender. Replacing the hatred with happiness, displeasure with delight, exasperation with ease, petulance with peace and animosity with agreeability is forgiveness too. It brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him from being a prisoner of his own destructive frame of mind.

A beautiful legend tells of an African tribe that ritualizes forgiveness.*

When a tribe member acts irresponsibly or unjustly, the offender is taken to the center of the village. All work ceases and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused.

Then the tribe bombards the rejected person with affirmations!

One at a time, friends and family enumerate all the good the individual has done. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with some detail and accuracy is recounted. All their positive attributes, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length.

Finally, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the outcast is welcomed back into the tribe.

What a beautiful ritual of restoration.

Once again they are family. The rejected one is restored and the village is made whole.

* Story taken from http://www.LifeSupportSystem.com by Steeve Goodier

Though there is still a debate over whether forgiveness should replace negative feelings with positive feelings towards the offender, psychologists agree that it empowers the forgiver to heal and move on life.

God's Family

By Steve Goodier www.LifeSupportSystem.com

An old story is told of two men who went fishing in a small boat. The day was uneventful until one of them hooked a huge fish, which, in the struggle, pulled him overboard. He couldn't swim and began to panic.

"Help!" he yelled. "Save me!"

The friend reached over and grabbed the man by the hair to pull him closer to the boat. But when he tugged, the man's toupee came off and he slipped down under the water again.

He came up shouting, "Hey, help me! I can't swim!"

So the friend reached down again and this time latched onto the struggling man's arm. But when he pulled, the arm came off! It was an artificial limb.

The drowning man continued to kick and thrash around and his friend reached out a third time. This time he grabbed a leg and pulled. You guessed it -- a wooden leg.

The man continued splashing and sputtering and calling out, "Help me!" until his friend finally called back in disgust, "How can I help you if you won't stick together?"

And that is a metaphor for each of us.

How can people in marriages and families stand a chance when they won't stick together?
How can religious communities, civic groups, schools and businesses get anywhere when they won't stick together?
And how can a nation or even our global village function well when it won't stick together?

Archbishop Desmond Tutu put it this way:
“We are made for goodness.
We are made for love.
We are made for friendliness.
We are made for togetherness.
We are made for all of the beautiful things that you and I know.
We are made to tell the world that there are no outsiders.
All are welcome: black, white, red, yellow,
rich, poor, educated, not educated,
male, female, all, all, all.
We all belong to this family, this human family, God's family.”

Discovering a new way of life

In the mid 1970s, when he was about to complete his doctorate in physics, the scientist Stephen Hawking - who was already carrying the disease that would gradually paralyse all his movements - heard a doctor say of him that he had only two more years to live.

‘Right then,' he thought to himself. 'now that I don't need to worry about things like pensions or paying the bills, I can concentrate on trying to understand the Universe.'

Since the disease was progressing rapidly, he was forced to come up with ways of explaining his ideas as simply and as briefly as possible.

Two and a half years went by, twenty years went by, and Hawking is still alive.
He can communicate his highly abstract ideas through a tiny computer hooked up to his wheelchair and which has a vocabulary of only 500 words. He wrote his classic "A Brief History of Time" and was responsible for creating an entirely new vision of modern physics.

Rather than leading him into a life of complete disability, the illness forced him to discover a new way of thinking.

Hawking has achieved success with works of popular science in which he discusses his own theories and cosmology in general; his "A Brief History of Time" stayed on the British Sunday Times best-sellers list for a record-breaking 237 weeks. Hawking has a motor neuron disease related to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), a condition that has progressed over the years. He is almost entirely paralysed and communicates through a speech generating device.

No job is more important than a 'mother's job'

Excerpts from Steve Goodier's writing in his blog http://stevegoodier.blogspot.com/

A mother was asked by an officious clerk, 'What is your occupation?'

She had dedicated herself to the raising of her children and felt that, though she was not financially compensated for her labour, her 'job' was of utmost importance. Besides, she resented it when people said she was 'Just a housewife.'

So she told the clerk that she was a 'Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'

Duly impressed, the clerk asked her what she did in her field.

This is how the mother replied: 'I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't?) in the laboratory and in the field. (Normally I would have said indoors and out.)
I'm working for my Masters (the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money.'

Who can argue?

Like a Spanish proverb says, 'An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.'

And a member of the clergy put it like this: 'My mother practices what I preach.'

The job is one of the most difficult there is, but still remains popular. I think that may be because, though many jobs are important, none is more so.

My thoughts: Hats off to all those 'Just Housewives'. It is said that a strong woman stands up for herself; a stronger woman stands up for everyone else. A 'Housewife' is that stronger woman. A mother loves her children all the time even if they are away and not with her. Its her dream to see her children grow up to be healthy, happy and successful. 

"I don't like the terms 'housewife' & 'home maker'. I prefer to be called Domestic Goddess," Roseanne Barr. 

How true!

Image curtsy: housewifeutopia.com

Endurance and Hard work

Once a king had announced that anyone who wanted the post of personal assistant must meet him.

Many people gathered in the palace. The king led them to a pond and said, "Whoever will empty this pond's water with this pot will be chosen for the post. But remember, there is a hole in the pot."

Many left without a single try. They said, "The king has already chosen someone else. Let's go."

But one man kept filling the pot with pond water patiently. But always within few moments, the water poured on the ground completely. He never gave up and kept trying persistently.

At last the pond became empty. The man found a diamond ring in the empty pond and he gave it to the king.

At this the king said, "This ring is a reward for your endurance and hard work. You are fit for the job."

Message:
1. Tough times don’t last; tough people do
2. Life is just repeated attempts at trying to do better
3. Endurance is patience concentrated

The Trouble Tree

The carpenter hired by a man to help him restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.

While the man drove him home, the carpenter sat in stony silence. Obviously he was troubled by the events of the day. On arriving, he invited him in to meet the family.

As they walked toward the front door, the carpenter paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

After opening the door, he underwent an amazing transformation. His face was wreathed in smiles, and he hugged his two small children and then gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward, he walked the man to his car. They passed the tree, our man's curiosity got the better of him. He asked the carpenter about what he had seen him do earlier.

“Oh, that’s my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can’t help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don’t belong in the house with my wife and children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning, I pick them up again.”

“Funny thing is,” he smiled and continued, “when I come out in the morning to pick them up, there aren’t nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

The great teacher

Author Unknown

Once an unhappy young man came to an old master and told he had a very sad life and asked for a solution.

The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

“How does it taste?”, the Master asked.

“Terrible,” spat the apprentice.

The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake.

The old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the Master asked, “How does it taste?”

“Good!” remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the Master.

“No,” said the young man.

The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the ‘pain’ depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

Hardships make you shine

The more hard knocks we receive in life, the more we shine. Lets us not be discouraged by setbacks, hardships and failures. As illustrated by the following story.

There was this temple beautifully laden with marble tiles. A huge marble statue was displayed in the middle of the Hall. Many people came to worship this marble statue.

The marble tile on the floor was very upset and told the statue one day, “Its not fair. Why do people have to step on me and worship you? Are we both not from the same cave? Are we both not of the same material? Yet we receive different treatment now.”

The marble statue asked the tile, “My dear friend, do you remember the guy who worked on us both?”

“Yes, ofcourse, I remember. I hate that guy. He hurt me so badly when he worked on me,” said the tile.

“That’s right. He couldn’t work on you at all as you resisted being worked on,” told the statue.

“So?” asked the tile.

“That’s why he decided to give up on you and started working on me instead. I knew at once that I would be something after his efforts. Hence I did not resist his tools. Instead I bore all the pain with patience. My dear friend, there is a price you have to pay for everything in life. Since you decided to give up half way, you can’t blame anyone for stepping on you.”

The art of comforting

Offering genuine comfort to a grieving person is one of the most important things in life. It is an act of selflessness, as we offer a kind word or a reassuring touch to someone in need of it. But I’m sure all will concur that it is one of the most difficult tasks. Comforting others can be uncomfortable for many of us. We don’t know what to say. We are at a loss for words. We worry we might utter “wrong words” though not intentionally.

But this concern for saying the "wrong words" should not keep us away from comforting a friend or a loved one. Many times what needs to be said can be said best with silent words or by lending a listening ear. Hence, the best solution is often to say nothing at all, simply to be present.  Simple expressions of concern are what is most welcome, especially if it comes from a good listener.

Here’s a passage from Mr. Bayly’s "View from a hearse," in which he talks about his grief of losing three children over the course of several years. 

“I was sitting, torn by grief. Someone came and talked to me of God’s dealings, of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. He said things I knew were true. I was unmoved, except to wish he would go away. He finally did. Someone else came and sat beside me. He didn't talk. He didn’t ask leading questions. He just sat with me for an hour or more, listened when I said something, answered briefly, prayed simply, left. I was moved. I was comforted. I hated to see him go." 

Comforting others isn't always about opening our mouths. In fact, our sympathetic presence and a sympathetic ear may be all that is needed. The suffering person gets more comfort when he is allowed to talk and listened to sympathetically. But it doesn't stop there. We need to pray for the endurance of their suffering too.. Sometimes all that is needed is just to be an attentive listener. Other times, they may want more of a dialogue. 

There isn’t a soul who hasn’t seen hard times at some point or the other, though they present a picture perfect lives of them to the world. Life is giving us an opening to lend a comforting hand to the suffering. Lets grab it.