Love & Respect your Parents

Author Unknown     

A frail old man lived with his son, his daughter-in-law, and his four-year-old grandson. His eyes were blurry, his hands trembled, and his step faltered.

The family would eat together every night at the dinner table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating rather difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon, drooping to the floor. When he grasped his glass of milk, it often spilled clumsily at the tablecloth.

With this happening almost every night, the son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.

"We must do something about father," said the son.

"I've had enough of his milk spilling, noisy eating and food on the floor," the daughter-in-law agreed.

So the couple set a small table at the corner.

There, grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed their dinner at the dinner table. Since grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in wooden bowls. Sometimes when the family glanced in grandfather's direction, he had a tear in his eye as he ate alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence.

One evening, before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. 

He asked the child sweetly: "What are you making?" 

Just as sweetly, the boy replied, "Oh, I'm making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food from when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

These words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears streamed down their cheeks. Though no words were spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening, the husband took father's hand and gently led him back to the family table.

For the remainder of his days, grandfather ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk was spilled or the table cloth was soiled.

Parents are the most precious gift of God for humans. They play an important role in our mental, physical, social, financial and career development. We took our first steps by holding their fingers.  All parents keep their children’s happiness and needs above their own. We may feel that our parents need us, but the reality is, we need them and we will not be able to make it without them. They are the pillars of support in the mansion of our lives. Let us remind ourselves that only if we love & respect our parents, our kids will reciprocate the same feeling to us.

Education and Experience

Unknown Author

There is a difference between education and experience.

Education is what you get from reading the small print.

Experience is what you get from not reading it! 

But isn't it true that great learning comes from both education and experience? 

Let me tell you a parable:

A young school teacher had a dream that an angel appeared to him and said, "You will be given a child who will grow up to become a world leader. How will you prepare her so that she will realize her intelligence, grow in confidence, develop both her assertiveness and sensitivity, be open—minded, yet strong in character? In short, what kind of education will you provide that she can become one of the world's truly GREAT leaders?"

The young teacher awoke in a cold sweat. It had never occurred to him before —any ONE of his present or future students could be the person described in his dream. Was he preparing them to rise to ANY POSITION to which they may aspire? He thought, 'How might my teaching change if I KNEW that one of my students were this person?'  

He gradually began to formulate a plan in his mind:

·         This student would need experience as well as instruction.

·         She / he would need to know how to solve problems of various kinds.

·         She / he would need to grow in character as well as knowledge.

·         She / he would need self assurance as well as the ability to listen well and work with others.

·         She / he would need to understand and appreciate the past, yet feel optimistic about the future.

·         She / he would need to know the value of lifelong learning in order to keep a curious and active mind.

·         She / he would need to grow in understanding of others and become a student of the spirit.

·         She/ he would need to set high standards for herself and learn self discipline, yet  would also need love and encouragement, that they might be filled with love and goodness.

His teaching changed. Every young person who walked through his classroom became, for him, a future world leader. He saw each one, not as they were, but as they could be. He expected the best from his students, yet tempered it with compassion. He taught each one as if the future of the world depended on his instruction.

After many years, a woman he knew rose to a position of world prominence.  He realized that she must surely have been the girl described in his dream. 

It turned out she was not one of his students, but rather his daughter. For all the various teachers in her life, her father was the best. 

I've heard it said that "Children are living messages we send to a time and place we will never see." But this isn't simply a parable about an unnamed school teacher. It is a parable about you and me —whether or not we are parents or even teachers.

And the story, OUR story, actually begins like this:

"You will be given a child who will grow up to become...."  You finish the sentence.

If not a world leader, then a superb father?

An excellent teacher?

A gifted healer?

An innovative problem solver?

An inspiring artist?

A generous philanthropist?

Where and how you will encounter this child is a mystery. But believe that one child's future may depend upon influence only you can provide, and something remarkable will happen. For no young person will ever be ordinary to you again. And you will never be the same.

Love of a family

That night, Sue quarreled with her mother, then stormed out of the house. While en route, she remembered that she did not have any money in her pocket, not even enough coins to make a phone call home.

At the same time, she went through a noodle shop, picking up sweet fragrance, she suddenly felt very hungry. She wished for a bowl of noodles, but she had no money!

The seller saw her standing wheat faltered before the counter and asked:

“Hey little girl, you want to eat a bowl?”

“But … but I do not carry money,” she shyly replied.

“Okay, I’ll treat you,” the seller said, “come in, I will cook you a bowl.”

A few minutes later the owner brought her a steaming bowl of noodles. Sue ate some pieces and cried.

“What is it?,” he asked.

“Nothing. I am just touched by your kindness.” Sue said as she wiped her tears. “Even a stranger on the street gives me a bowl of noodles, and my mother, after a quarrel, chased me out of the house. She is cruel!!”

The man sighed. “Girl, why did you think so? Think again. I only gave you a bowl of noodles and you felt that way. Your mother had raised you since you were little, why were you not grateful and disobeyed your mom?”

Sue was really surprised after hearing that.

“Why did I not think of that? A bowl of noodles from a stranger made me feel indebted, and my mother has raised me since I was little and I have never felt so, even a little.”

On the way home, Sue thought in her head what she would say to her mother when she arrives home: “Mom, I’m sorry. I know it is my fault, please forgive me … ”

Once up the steps, Sue saw her mother worried and tired of looking for her everywhere. Upon seeing Sue, her mother gently said: “Sue, come inside honey. You are probably very hungry? I cooked rice and prepared the meal already, come eat while it is still hot …”

Couldn't control any longer, Sue cried in her mom’s hands.

Rules for children:
In life, we sometimes easily appreciate the small actions of some people around us, but when it comes to parents, we take their sacrifices for granted. Parents do not expect us to pay back for nurturing us …… but have we ever appreciated or treasured the unconditional sacrifice of our parents?

Rules for Parents:
A child must learn to think on his/her own so do not expect him/her to immediately and blindly be obedient. Try not to be reactive and pile on punishment, or your child may never have the chance to make responsible decisions because they are too busy 'being grounded'. Do not keep your child on a short leash, let them grow up naturally with some amount of space and freedom. The rules for parents are but three......Love, Limit and Let them be.

An Important Word to Learn

- By Steve Goodier www.LifeSupportSystem.com

An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.

Early one Monday when an assistant was reviewing weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic woman recite her name and address and then confidently say, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."

Everyone's a comic. (And I love that.) But in another sense, reconciliation IS a difficult word. If not difficult to spell, then difficult to carry out. But it's also an important word.

When my son was eleven years old he came home from school in tears one day. A couple of the older kids had bullied him at the bus stop.

We soon learned that tension had been brewing for some time. For several days there had been taunts, then pushing and shoving. And now the conflict escalated to fists. Rob wanted to stay home from school so he wouldn't have to confront the boys in the future.

We called the school and found great support. "We'll be happy to call the boys' parents," we were told. "And you should call the police."

"We don't know what we will do yet," I said. I felt that calling the police was a resort to be used when everything else failed, and I wanted first to consider other ways of handling the situation. I asked him to hold off calling the boy's parents.

The next day was Saturday. Rob happened to look out the window and said in alarm, "There are the boys who beat me up!" Two older boys were standing in front of our house, as if they were waiting for Rob to step outside.

I immediately began to think of what I wanted to say to them, but my wife Bev, a natural peacemaker, acted first. She opened the door and said with a smile, "Hi guys. Would you like some ice cream?"

They looked at each other in puzzlement. But they were teenagers, after all, so they shrugged their shoulders and one of them said, "Sure. Why not?"

They followed her indoors and Bev promptly introduced herself, Rob's younger brothers and me. She even introduced Rusty the dog. "And I think you already know Rob," she said, pointing to our son. Her idea was to help them to see that Rob was a person, not a target. He had a family; he lived in a neighborhood and even owned a family pet.

Bev drew the boys into conversation while we ate ice cream. After a few minutes, she said, "I know there's been some trouble at the bus stop. I think there may be a misunderstanding."

They nodded that there had indeed been trouble at the bus stop.

She continued, "Maybe we can talk about the misunderstanding so you can be friends."

They nodded their agreement and we talked until the ice cream was finished. Eventually the boys apologized and said there would be no more trouble. And there wasn't. Ever.

The vice-principal of the school called back the following week and asked about the fighting. "Did you call the police?" he asked.

"No, but we've taken care of it," I said.

"What did you do?" he wondered.

I said, "We fed them ice cream."

Reconciliation is a difficult word...a difficult task. But what could be more important? It may be easier to control conflict by force than to persevere and find a way through to harmony and cooperation. Force can stabilize a situation; it can impose a truce. But reconciliation leads to peace, which is a far better outcome.

Blessed are the reconcilers. May they be given all the ice cream they can ever eat! 

Nasrddin's Flower Garden ising Children, Not Flowers!

by: Jack Canfield, A 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul

One day David was teaching his seven-year-old son how to push the gas-powered lawn mower around the yard. As he was teaching him how to turn the mower around at the end of the lawn, his wife called to him to ask a question. As David turned to answer the question, the son pushed the lawn mower right through the flower bed at the edge of the lawn - leaving a two-foot wide path levelled to the ground!

When David turned back around and saw what had happened, he began to lose control. He had put a lot of time and effort into making those flower beds the envy of the neighborhood.

As he began to raise his voice to his son, his wife walked quickly over to him, put her hand on his shoulder and said, "David, please remember, we're raising children, not flowers!"

It reminds us how important it is as a parent to remember our priorities. Kids and their self-esteem are more important than any physical object they might break or destroy. The window pane shattered by a baseball, a lamp knocked over by a careless child, or a plate dropped in the kitchen are already broken. The flowers are already dead.

Not to add to the destruction by breaking a child's spirit and deadening his sense of liveliness.

My thoughts: The best way to raise positive children in a negative world is to have positive parents who love them unconditionally and serve as excellent role models. All that the kids need is a little help, a little understanding, a little hope and someone who believes in them. What a child does not receive, he can seldom give later.

Only One Childhood

By Author Unknown

I stopped to watch my little girl busy playing in her room.
In one hand was a plastic phone; in the other a toy broom.
I listened as she was speaking to her make believe little friend
I'll never forget the words she said, even though it was pretend.

She said, "Suzie's in the corner cos she's not been very good.
She didn't listen to a word I said or do the things she should."
In the corner I saw her baby doll all dressed in lace and pink.
It was obvious she'd been put there to sit alone and think.

My daughter continued her conversation as I sat down on the floor.
"I'm all fed up, I just don't know what to do with her anymore?
She whines whenever I have work and wants to play games, too.
She never lets me do the things that I just have to do?

She tries to help me with the dishes,
but her arms just cannot reach...
And she doesn't know how to fold towels.
I don't have the time to teach.

I have a lot of work to do
and a big house to keep clean.
I don't have the time to sit and play
don't you know what I mean?"

And that day I thought a lot about making some changes in my life;
As I listened to her innocent words that cut me like a knife.
I hadn't been paying enough attention to what I hold most dear.
I'd been caught up in responsibilities that increased throughout the year.

But now my attitude changed, because, in my heart, I realize...
I saw the world in a different light through my little darling's eyes. 

Let the cobwebs have the corners and the dust bunnies rule the floor,
I'm not going to worry about keeping up with them anymore.

I'm going to fill the house with memories
of a child and her mother...
For we are granted only one childhood,
and we will never get another.

No job is more important than a 'mother's job'

Excerpts from Steve Goodier's writing in his blog http://stevegoodier.blogspot.com/

A mother was asked by an officious clerk, 'What is your occupation?'

She had dedicated herself to the raising of her children and felt that, though she was not financially compensated for her labour, her 'job' was of utmost importance. Besides, she resented it when people said she was 'Just a housewife.'

So she told the clerk that she was a 'Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'

Duly impressed, the clerk asked her what she did in her field.

This is how the mother replied: 'I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't?) in the laboratory and in the field. (Normally I would have said indoors and out.)
I'm working for my Masters (the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money.'

Who can argue?

Like a Spanish proverb says, 'An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.'

And a member of the clergy put it like this: 'My mother practices what I preach.'

The job is one of the most difficult there is, but still remains popular. I think that may be because, though many jobs are important, none is more so.

My thoughts: Hats off to all those 'Just Housewives'. It is said that a strong woman stands up for herself; a stronger woman stands up for everyone else. A 'Housewife' is that stronger woman. A mother loves her children all the time even if they are away and not with her. Its her dream to see her children grow up to be healthy, happy and successful. 

"I don't like the terms 'housewife' & 'home maker'. I prefer to be called Domestic Goddess," Roseanne Barr. 

How true!

Image curtsy: housewifeutopia.com

Celebrate the gifts you have been given

Adapted from http://cathytaughinbaugh.com/fathers-story-addiction-and-a-promise-for-the-future/  Excerpts from David Cooke’s book, Behind the Dumpster. 

It is the story of a father, who after eighteen months of living with the hurt, pain, confusion, and chaos caused by his son’s heroin addiction, realized that every day the son enabled his addiction related life it was destroying his..

His health, his business, his relationships and his psyche were systematically falling apart as a result of his commitment to save his son even though the son wasn’t ready, interested in, or willing to do it for himself. It took him a long time to come to the realization there was nothing he could do to save his son until, or unless, he was willing to commit to saving himself, first.

So, what did he do?

Please welcome David Cooke! In his own words…

“In an ironic and twisted way, my son’s addiction, as painful as it has been for me, is also the gift that completely changed my life.

Three years ago I embarked on an adventure that completely changed my life for the better. On this definitive morning I began a new journey in a quest to reclaim my life and define a new path for success despite this adversity in my life.

I committed to riding my bicycle for at least one hour a day for one hundred consecutive days. Though I did not know where this would lead me, the focused commitment associated with this challenge took me on a new path and a different mindset that ended up being exactly the transformational journey I needed in my life.

From that very first ride, I found inspiration, energy, and opportunity in distancing myself from my son’s addiction. Though the pain and the hurt never really went away – it never does – I discovered a sense of confidence, clarity, and purpose for MY existence in those early morning meditational rides.

When I returned from that first ride, I was inspired by this thought that I came to me on that very first morning bike ride. 'No matter how dark the present appears, I live for the promise of the future, celebrating the opportunities created through my passion and my gifts.'

This is how I live and celebrate my life, in my daily recovery from my son’s addiction. Though I still suffer from the pain and the hurt of the struggles my son faces in his addiction, it does not define who I am, what I have been called to do, or the gifts I have been given to accomplish it.

Today, I celebrate my son’s one hundred and fiftieth day of recovery. I pray that it lasts long after I am gone and I hope that he stays on this path of progress and opportunity.

In the meantime, I am celebrating over eleven hundred days of my own recovery – the day I regained control over my life and gave myself the opportunity of strength, courage, joy, and peace in the face of those things that trouble and pain me most.

My advice to parents who are suffering, hurting, and lamenting the experiences of addiction in their lives and in their family is to find your recovery.

Your ability to live your life, celebrate the gifts you have been given, and to find peace in the chaos gives you the strength, clarity, and purpose to endure and grow.

Hopefully your child will find their way back to you where you will celebrate your ability to be there for them.

If you allow their addiction to destroy you, there is nothing left for them to hang on to when they need you.

The best gift you can give, besides your unconditional love, is to be strong for them when they are present and stronger for yourself when they are not!”

Love your children as you love strangers

Author Unknown

I ran into a stranger as he passed by.
"Oh, excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please, excuse me too,
Wasn't even watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My daughter stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

She walked away, her little heart broken
at how harshly I had spoken.
While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,
But the children you love, you seem to abuse.
Look on the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers she brought for you.
She picked them herself, pink, yellow and blue.
She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise,
And you never saw the tears in her eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,
and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed;
"Wake up, little girl, wake up," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em, because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
She said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."

I said, "Daughter, I love you too,
And I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

Make me into a Television

A teacher from Primary School asks her students to write an essay about what they would like God to do for them.

At the end of the day, while marking the essays, she read one that made her very emotional. She went and gave the essay to her friend who was also a teacher in the same school to read it.

The friend read it. Her husband, who had just walked in, saw her crying and asked her, 'What happened?'

She answered 'Read this. It is one of my friend’s students' essay.'

'Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special. Make me into a television.
I want to take its place and live like the TV in my house.
Have my own special place and have my family around ME.
To be taken seriously when I talk.
I want to be the centre of attention and be heard without interruptions or questions.
I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives even when it is not working.
Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is tired.
And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of ignoring me.
And I want my brothers to fight to be with me.
I want to feel that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to spend some time with me.
And last but not least, ensure that I can make them all happy and entertain them.
Lord I don't ask you for much. I just want to live like a TV.'

At that moment the husband said, 'My God, poor kid. What horrible parents!'

The wife looked up at him and said, 'That essay is our son's !!!'

Happiness is relishing what we have

A story from Buddhism

A beautiful swan was sitting by a lake, fanning itself elegantly in the sunshine. Watching in the distance was a crow perched on a tree.

“What a contrast”, the crow thought in envy, comparing the Swan’s perfect white feathers to its own jet black ones. He hated being the color that he was and wanted nothing more than to be as white as the Swan.

Foolishly it thought that the reason the Swan got to be so beautifully white was because it spent all day in the water, so if he was to become the same as the swan, he would have start spending all his days in the water also.

So for many days and nights, he spent all his time soaking in the waters of the lake. Even when it got cold, he refused to get out, determined to stay in until his feathers turned white.

One moonlit night, an owl flew by and saw the crow shivering in the lake. “What are you doing?” the owl asked. 

“I want to be as white as a swan and so I have to sit here until my colour changes”. 

As soon as the owl heard, it burst into hysterical laughter, “You silly fool! You can sit there till you die you’ll never be as white as a swan! You are a crow and crows are black. You have got to accept what you are”

The crow contemplated for a while on the wise words of the owl. Looking down at his body, he could see that what the owl said was absolutely true. He had been sitting in the water for many days and yet his colour is just the same as it always was. Feeling very foolish, the crow realised that if the owl didn’t fly by that night, he might still be sitting in the water and die from either starvation or hypothermia.

“Happiness does not consist in things, but in the relish we have of them.” 

Do not educate children to be rich ; Educate them to be happy ; So that when they grow up they will know the value of things and not just the price.

A lesson in dream

Author Unknown

A man had a little daughter -- an only and much-beloved child.

He lived for her -- she was his life. So when she became ill and her illness resisted the efforts of the best obtainable physicians, he became like a man possessed, moving heaven and earth to bring about her restoration to health.

His best efforts proved unavailing and the child died.

The father was totally irreconcilable. He became a bitter recluse, shutting himself away from his many friends and refusing every activity that might restore his poise and bring him back to his normal self.

But one night he had a dream. He was witnessing a grand pageant of the entire little child angels. They were marching in an apparently endless line past the Great White Throne. Every white-robed angelic child carried a candle. He noticed that one child's candle was not lighted.

Then he saw that the child with the dark candle was his own little girl.

Rushing to her, while the pageant faltered, he seized her in his arms, caressed her tenderly, and then asked: "How is it, darling that your candle alone is unlighted?”

“Father, they often re-light it, but your tears always put it out."

Just then he awoke from his dream. The lesson was crystal clear, and its effects were immediate.

From that hour on he was not a recluse, but mingled freely and cheerfully with his former friends and associates.

No longer would his darling's candle be extinguished by his useless tears. 

A lesson from Chinese Bamboo tree

This story is very much true in rearing our beautiful children. As parents, we have to patiently exert efforts in teaching and disciplining our children for them to develop right values and to adopt strong character while at the same time defeat many difficulties and different challenges.

A great lesson of patience, persistence and hard work can be learned from the story of planting Chinese bamboo. Unlike most other plants, Chinese bamboo is quite unique on its own. 

When this bamboo is planted, watered, and nurtured for the whole growing season, it does not outwardly develop even just for an inch. Then, on the next growing season, the farmer must continue to irrigate, fertilize and care for the bamboo tree and yet nothing happens – it fails to sprout just the same.

And as the seasons go in and out, the farmer has to continue caring for the bamboo for four consecutive years.

What could really be discouraging is the farmer has nothing substantial to demonstrate for all of his labor in caring and growing the tree. Four lonely years of hard work and caring and yet you have nothing!

And then on the fifth year, you must be prepared for something so amazing and incredible!

All the hard work seems to be paid off on the fifth year because that Chinese bamboo tree seed at last grows and not just growing as we normally see with other plants. The bamboo tree shoots up to more than 80 feet all in just one growing season! Now, that is a very astonishing demonstration of the power of nature!

Was the small tree inactive for four years and then just decides to grow dramatically on the fifth? The answer is quite clear for us to see. The little tree was actually developing itself underground by expanding its root system to make it tough enough to sustain its impending external growth in the fifth year and even beyond.

Had the tree failed to build up a strong and able underground foundation, it would be impossible for it to keep on growing when it is time to sprout outside into the outside world.

If that Chinese bamboo farmer dug up his little bamboo seeds each year just because he is curious or wants to make sure it was growing or what, he could effectively stopped the tree’s growth. 

There are times when we demand our little children to sit still and behave and be patient but big lessons can be deeply taught once they are demonstrated in actions and not just in words.

ABC's for parents & children

ABC'S for parents A-lways trust your children to God's care. B-ring them up to become good human beings. C-hallenge them to high goals. D-elight in their achievements. E-xalt the Lord in their presence. F-rown on evil. G-ive them love. H-ear their problems. I-gnore not their childish fears. J-oyfully accept their apologies. K-eep their confidence. L-ive a good example before them. M-ake them your friends. N-ever ignore their endless questions. O-pen your heart to their love. P-lay with them. Q-uicken your interest in their spirituality. R-emember their needs. S-how them the way of salvation. T-each them to work. U-nderstand they are still young. V-erify your statements. W-ean them from bad company. e-Xpect them to obey. Y-earn for God's best for them. Z-ealously guide them in Truth.

ABC'S for Children A-lways obey your parents. B-ring them happiness and pride. C-ling to high goals set by them. D-elight in their achievements. E-xactly follow their guidance. F-eel their love for you. G-ive them love. H-ear their advice. I-gnore not their advices. J-oyfully accept their rules. K-eep their confidence. L-ive a good example before them. M-ake them your friends. N-ever ignore their endless questions about your behaviour. O-pen your heart to their love. P-lay with them. Q-uicken your interest in spirituality. R-emember their needs. S-how them your love & affection. T-ell them your problems U-nderstand they are becoming old. V-erify their health. W-ork to bring them pride and joy. e-Xpect them to be strict with you. Y-earn for God's best for them. Z-ealously be with them in their quest for your happiness.

Compliment than Reprimand

Two children were climbing a tree. It was their favorite pastime. Suddenly there was a gush of wind. The leaves started to rattle and the tree began to sway. The first child’s parent shouted, “Hey! Hold on!”  And the child held on...... without falling. The second child’s parent shouted, “Hey! Don’t fall!” And the child...... fell!

How do we explain this? Simple. The mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, it cannot see a negative picture at all. In order for the second child to process the command of not falling, the child’s brain had to first imagine falling and then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Which the brain found difficult to process in short time. Whereas the first child’s brain instantly had a positive image of him hanging on tightly.
Moral of the story: Usage of negative words has a toxic effect.

Like the second parent, many times in lives we do use toxic vocabulary words unwittingly while raising children. What we fail to recognize is that these negative vocabulary words are capable of bringing down the child’s self-confidence and self-worth. The major damage that this linguistic error can execute. And what are these toxic vocabulary words?

• But: "I know you are a good child. but........" This word negates any words that are pronounced prior to it however complimentary they were.
• Try: There is a difference between telling a child, “I’ll try to take you for a holiday” and “I’ll take you for a holiday this year”. The vocabulary “try” implies not having any serious intention to do it in the first place. Children should be encouraged to respect honesty. It presupposes failure.
• If: "If I come back from work early today, I'll take you out"....This word 'If' presupposes that any promises made MAY / MAY NOT not happen.
• Might: Again this is one word that defines nothing. It leaves options open for the child and leaves the child wondering what is in store.
• Would Have: Talks about things that didn't actually happen. So why waste time?
• Should Have: "You should have worked harder...." This draws attention to things that didn't actually happen plus makes the child feel guilty.
• Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
• Can't/Don't: Exactly the mistake committed by the second parent. These words force the child to focus on the opposite of what the parent wants.

Mahatma Gandhi found this principle to be true in his own experience. "If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it," he said. "But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it, even if I did not have the ability in the beginning." The ability which was borne out of sheer belief in positivity.

Here’s an illustration of what these toxic phrases do and how to replace them: 

Toxic phrase	Likely result	Better language
"Don't drop the ball!"	Drops the ball	"Catch the ball!"
"You shouldn't watch so much television."	Watches more television.	"I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Charity begins at home. To avoid using the toxic phrases on children, it is obligatory NOT to use it on our own selves. Phrases like “I am fat”, “I’m dark”, “My nose is ugly”….should consciously be avoided on oneself and actively replaced with positive vocabulary. 

Psychologists claim that it takes 10 positive statements to offset 1 negative statement. There is immense power in affirming positively. One needs to motivate and encourage rather than criticize, compliment rather than reprimand, be it children or anyone else.