Ego or Pride?

Is there any distinction between ego & pride at all? Are they synonymous?

Pride as such is a positive and healthy feeling if practiced in the right sense. One can be proud of his country, his nation, his parents, his off-springs, his family…………

Ego creeps in when these feelings turn to the extreme to say that all the rest is nothing in front of these.

This is the thin wall that separates both.

Look at these 2 stories that illustrate this perception.

While at sail a Captain of a steamship heard a distress call.

“Captain, Captain you must alter your course by 10 degrees, you are in danger of collision.” 

The Captain replied, “I am captain of a mighty steamship sound and sturdy, I say to you, if my path endangers you, you should alter your course, I will not.” 

The voice once again cried out, “Captain! Captain! You must take heed and change your course by twenty degrees; you are in danger of collision.” 

The captain replied, “I am at sail and will not change. I steer a mighty and fierce steam ship.”

The voice replied, “Yes you may steer a steamship, but I am a lighthouse.”

This is the EGO of the captain. The Ego which might’ve led to his fall.

Now look at another story

A turtle who was very talkative once overheard the plan of two hunters who schemed to catch turtles the very next day. The turtle turned to two cranes for help to elude the conspiracy of the hunters. It weaved a plan where in the cranes were to hold a long stick at their ends between their beaks.

The turtle was to close its mouth tightly in the middle of the stick so that it would be carried away to a safe distance when the birds make their flight.

The cranes agreed to the idea and asked the turtle to hold the stick firmly. The cranes took off with their flight with the turtle dangling in the middle of the stick. When the birds were up high in the air with the turtle, people from below were awe struck about the strange sight.

They exclaimed "What clever birds! A brilliant idea to carry a turtle!"

The proud turtle who could not contain himself shouted out "The idea is mine!", only to tumble from above to land on the earth.

It was the PRIDE of the turtle which caused its fall.

The more one feeds the ego, the more it grows.

Pride is more steadfast.

But……. it is evident that both need to be controlled. And the antidote is humility. When the ego and pride are dropped and the outlook embraces humility, a new light is thrown on the perception. Humility paves the way to move forward with confidence and self respect.

Life is telling us here to stop for a moment and look at it in a new perspective with humility, not to allow ego and pride to control us so that we become more successful in leading a peaceful and happy life.

Do not be affected by Pride

A group of wise men met together to discuss why God had left creating man until the final & sixth day.

‘He wanted to get the Universe sorted out first so that we could have all its marvels at our disposal,' said one.

'He wanted to experiment with animals first so that he wouldn't make the same mistakes when he created us,' argued another.

A wise Jew turned up at the meeting.

He was told the subject of discussion: 'In your opinion why did God create man only on the final day?'

'Very simple,' said the wise man. 'So that whenever we were afflicted by pride, we could reflect that, in the Divine scheme, even a mere mosquito had priority over us.'

The frog that lived in a well

Contributed by Nandini Bala

This story is a very popular folk tale and has many versions. This version is what Swami Vivekananda told the world as part of one of his speeches at the Parliament of Religions held in Chicago on 15th September, 1893.

Once upon a time, there lived a frog in a nice, deep well. It had lived there for a long time. It was born there and brought up there. This frog, every day fed on the worms and bacilli that lived in the water of the well, and became a fat frog with a lot of energy.

Well, one day another frog that lived in the sea came and fell into the well. Our well frog asked the sea frog, "Where are you from?"

"I am from the sea," answered the sea frog

"The sea!" exclaimed the well frog, "How big is that? Is it as big as my well?", and he took a leap from one side of the well to the other.

"My friend", said the sea frog, "how do you compare the sea with your little well?"

Then the well frog took another leap and asked, "Is your sea so big?"

The shocked sea frog exclaimed, "What nonsense you speak, to compare the sea with your well!"

"Well, Well," said the well frog, "nothing can be bigger than my well; there can be nothing bigger than this; He then shouted, "This fellow is a liar, turn him out."

Some of us think too small like a frog at the bottom of the well. This frog thinks the sky is only as big as the top of the well. If only he surfaced he would have an entirely different view.

Love + Obedience

A Zen story

There are no 2 ways out of Obedience—either obey the self burning qualities like anger, jealousy and greed or obey the love, compassion and togetherness.

The master Bankei's talks were attended not only by Zen students but by persons of all ranks and sects. He never quoted sutras nor indulged in scholastic dissertations. Instead, his words were spoken directly from his heart to the hearts of his listeners.

His large audiences angered a priest of the Nichiren sect. The self-centered Nichiren priest came to the temple, determined to debate with Bankei.

"Hey, Zen teacher!" he called out. "Wait a minute. Whoever respects you will obey what you say, but a man like myself does not respect you. Can you make me obey you?"

He went to the Master and challenged him. The challenge came from his self centered mind.

The Master is not at for gaining respect, he does not need it. What he wants is the freedom, love and compassion to develop from those attracted towards him. Master's peace and strength of mind and heart is least affected by any disrespect shown to them. He remains cool, that is the strength that a master carries.

Now here was a challenge thrown with disrespect shown towards the master.

"Come up beside me and I will show you," said Bankei.

Proudly the priest pushed his way through the crowd to the teacher.

The priest blinded by his arrogance and the ambition to win over the Master's audience pushes his way from the crowd. The ambition to get back his lost prestige, makes him push from the crowd. No respect or love for them flows through him, hence the pushing. Pushing his way through the mere crowd for his glory.

Bankei smiled. "Come over to my left side."

The Master smiles at him. Looking at the arrogance and disrespect shown towards him and individuals connected with him does not break the strength and silence and smile of His heart.

And very softly he told him, “come over to his left side.”

The priest obeyed but was not at all aware of it. His mind was crowded with the thoughts and feelings of defeating the Master. To show to people and himself that he did not obey the master and was not a part of herd.

"No," said Bankei, "we may talk better if you are on the right side. Step over here."

So naturally and coolly the master asked him to step over on the other side where he was sitting. The master knew what he was doing and the proud priest totally unaware and blinded with pride was following what master asked him to do.

The priest proudly stepped over to the right.

"You see," observed Bankei, "you are obeying me and I think you are a very gentle person. Now sit down and listen."

The 2 important messages here:

1. The master’s gestures did not show that any challenge was faced. Unperturbed he pointed to the priest that he had been obeying him. There was no need of scholarly talks.

2. Regardless of all the pride and arrogance shown by the priest, Master pointed him out the gentle quality in him that obeyed.

Ego causes fall

There was once a learned scientist..

After a lot of practice and efforts, he developed a formula and learned the art of reproducing himself. He did it so perfectly that it was impossible to tell the reproduction from the original.

One day while doing his research, he realized that the Angel of  Death was searching for him. In order to remain immortal he reproduced a dozen copies of himself. The reproduction was so meticulous that all of them looked exactly like him.

Now when this Angel of Death came down, he was at a loss to know which of the thirteen before him was the original scientist, and confused, he left them all alone and returned back to heaven.

But, not for long, for being an expert in human nature, the Angel came up with a clever idea. He said to the scientist addressing all thirteen of them, "Sir, you must be a genius to have succeeded in making such perfect reproduction formula of yourself. However, I have discovered a flaw in your work, just one tiny little flaw."

The scientist immediately jumped out and shouted, "Impossible! where is the flaw?"

"Right here" said the Angel, as he picked up the scientist from among the reproductions and carried him off.

The whole purpose of the scientist and his formula of reproduction failed as he could not control his pride and lost his life.

Would you rather be happy or right?

While at sail a Captain of a steamship hears a distress call. 

“Captain, Captain you must alter your course by 10 degrees, you are in danger of collision.” 

To which the Captain replies, “I am a mighty steamship sound and sturdy, I say to you, if my path in dangers you, you should alter your course, I will not.” 

The voice once again cries out, “Captain! Captain! You must take heed and change your course by twenty degrees; you are in danger of collision.” 

The captain replies, “I am at sail and will not change. I am a mighty and fierce steam ship.” 

The voice replies, “Yes you are a steamship, but I am a lighthouse.” 

We do not know what happened to the ship but what we can certainly make out from this is the EGO of the captain. The Ego which might’ve led to his fall. 

Now look at this famous story from Panchatantra 

A turtle who was very talkative once overheard the plan of two hunters who schemed to catch turtles the very next day. The turtle turned to two cranes for help to elude the conspiracy of the hunters. It weaved a plan where in the cranes were to hold a long stick at their ends between their beaks.

The turtle was to close its mouth tightly in the middle of the stick so that it would be carried away to a safe distance when the birds make their flight.

The cranes agreed to the idea and asked the turtle to hold the stick firmly. The cranes took off with their flight with the turtle dangling in the middle of the stick. When the birds were up high in the air with the turtle, people from below were awe struck about the strange sight. 

They exclaimed "What clever birds! A brilliant idea to carry a turtle!" The proud turtle who could not contain himself shouted out "The idea is mine!", only to tumble from above to land on the earth. 

It was the PRIDE of the turtle which caused its fall. 

Both stories talk about fall. But can you notice the subtle difference between the attitudes of the characters? 

In the case of the former it was arrogance which led to the fall. Whereas, the turtle was genuinely proud of his plan and he wanted the world to know about his achievements. But the basic and important difference here is the turtle was not arrogant. Ego is an obsession with just having to be right and is often rather selfish while pride is based on the facts of a person's achievements and feelings of these qualities and so is less selfish. In short Ego is “false-pride”. Being proud about some quality which does not exist. The captain of the ship acted on ego while the Turtle acted on pride. Ofcourse both had to become Humpty Dumpty to have had a great fall ultimately. 

Pride as such is a positive and healthy feeling if practiced in the right sense. One can be proud of his country, his nation, his parents, his off-springs, his family………… He becomes more confident in such cases. But when these feelings turn to the extreme to say that all the rest is nothing in front of these—the ego creeps in. This is the thin wall that separates both. The more one feeds the ego, the more it grows. Ego is very fragile and so gets hurt very fast but pride is more steadfast. 

But it is evident that both need an antidote and that antidote is humility. When the ego and pride are dropped and the outlook embraces humility, a new light is thrown on the perception. The Truth is revealed under new perspective. Humility paves the way to move forward with confidence and self respect. 

Life is telling us here to stop for a moment and look at it in a new perspective with humility, not to allow ego and pride to control us so that we become more successful in leading a peaceful and happy life. 

“The ego spends a lot of time practicing always being right. When someone says something that you'd normally disagree with just for the purpose of making them wrong, try saying "You're right about that." While the ego will loudly protest, this strategy can bring you peace and happiness. And would you rather be right or happy?” says Dr Wayne Dyer. 

Dr Wayne Dyer has posed a brain storming question. “Would you rather be happy or right?” ………

Let’s decide for ourselves.

Rise, Fall and Equanimity

Last week whole of India was talking about one man. Rajesh Khanna. The Superstar who breathed his last. There were frenzied crowd fighting the rains, surrounding his house to have a last glimpse of him. After all, he was a Super star. The entire media was articulating his life and achievements as a superstar. Of course, all and only nice things about him. After all, it is not acceptable to speak ill of the deceased. In the middle of all this, a chance encounter in google took me to this site http://ibnlive.in.com/news/the-darker-shades-of-rajesh-khannas-life/272808-8-66.html

One fact stared at me crystal clear when I read that news. How a meteoric rise can affect a person who is not balanced in life. The monetary comforts, fame, flattery etc can easily take us all for a ride, to a dizzy heights. It makes one easy to be consumed by an overpowering pride. But when the fall happens, the story is different. It’s a collision between fantasy and reality. Which again takes one to a dizzy low. 

Maintaining equanimity in life is the question here. The ability to maintain a calm and sane attitude under all circumstances be it pleasant or unpleasant. One look at life will tell us that life is a continuous contrast of success and failure, gains and losses, rise and fall. I have already discussed it in one of my previous posts. This Zen story illustrates it further.

A young student at a Zen monastery comes to his master and throws himself at his feet, sobbing. The teacher lifts him up gently, and asks him, “What is troubling you, my son?” “O master,” the student falters, “I am so discouraged. My meditation is a nightmare—my mind is always running after worldly thoughts, my legs ache, I'm constantly falling asleep… I cannot concentrate on anything for even a breath. I think that I am just not cut out for meditation.”

The master pats his head and comforts him “Do not worry, my child. This is only a stage. It will pass, it will pass.” The student heaves a big sigh, bows to his master, and goes back to the meditation hall.

A few days later, he comes running to his master, grinning from ear to ear. “O master, by your grace, my meditation is completely transformed now! I’m getting so much joy, so much peace, so much depth…”

The master responds calmly, “Do not worry, my son. It will pass, it will pass.”

It IS a struggle to maintain an equanimous state in such circumstances. But not that difficult a struggle that one cannot face or overcome if only we understand that everything in life is only temporary. What is permanent then?

Unconditional  love. It is the only thing that can take us through the ocean of life. “Without compassion, the brain power that distinguishes humans from other animals can be a destructive force,” says Dalai Lama, who shows us how it is possible to remain equanimous even in the face of adversity. He adds, “If there is love, there is hope to have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace. If the love within your mind is lost, if you continue to see other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education you have, no matter how much material progress is made, only suffering and confusion will ensue.”

Lee Iacocca once asked legendary football coach Vince Lombardi what it took to make a winning team. The book entitled Iacocca records Lombardi's answer.

There are a lot of coaches with good ball clubs who know the fundamentals and have plenty of discipline but still don't win the game. Then you come to the third ingredient: “if you're going to play together as a team, you've got to care for one another. You've got to love each other. Each player has to be thinking about the next guy and saying to himself: If I don't block that man, Paul is going to get his legs broken. I have to do my job well in order that he can do his.”

"The difference between mediocrity and greatness," Lombardi said that night, "is the feeling those guys have for each other."

What a beautiful thought! What a wonderful feeling! “Philosophy teaches us to bear with equanimity the misfortunes of others.” Says Oscar Wilde. 

Life teaches us here that happiness is not coupled with rise, wealth, success or gain alone. It is something beyond that. Its attained when we surpass all these and maintain an attitude that is filled with unconditional love which ultimately showers the equanimity that is required to lead a peaceful life.