Pushers & Pullers

Educator Booker T. Washington observed, "There are two ways of exerting one's strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." 

Pushers and pullers are the two types of people that we need to deal with on a daily basis in this world. 

Formers are the types who push you down, suck the energy from you and demotivate you. The negative type. 

Latters are those who pull you up, inspire you and motivate you to achieve your goals and dreams. The positive type.

Undeniably, we all love pullers and need more of them in our lives. They are like a cup of cool water for a dry and parched throat. Dealing with this type is the easiest. We can relate to them effortlessly. They ooze out positivity which is infectious.

We avoid and detest those who push us down. It’s this variety, the negative ones, that cause the concern. It can be really tough to get back up once someone has knocked us down. Self-confidence gets heavily beaten up. Self-doubt and insecurities get triggered and are hard to put aside. 

Let’s face it. In reality, life doesn't consist only of pullers. It is a concoction of both types. It takes all sorts to make the world go around. We are compelled to deal with both.

How to deal with these pushers?

 

One way of dealing is “ignore” or “accept”.

"Ignore" when we understand that the pushing down is caused by plain jealousy. Admit that it’s the way these pushers are made. It’s not our task to change them. Our focus should only be on changing ourselves and our insights for the better. Best is to keep a distance from these pushers. Leave them behind and move on. They are not worth walking along with.

"Accept" when we find that the criticism is true, based on fact and not biased. After all, let’s give the benefit of doubt to the offender. Let’s work on the conjecture that not always do people have an agenda in their minds. We might’ve committed a blunder inadvertently and hence we have to deal with it. Hence let’s ‘accept’ the pushing down.

And last comes the most elevated way. Send them your love! I know it’s THE MOST difficult task on earth. If all of us had achieved the echelon of this elevation, we wouldn't be discussing this topic here. Right? And why should we send them, the offenders our love? Because it’s what we expect from them. Since they are lacking in it, let’s provide them with some quotient of it.

But the silver lining in the cloud is this. Life is not so cruel. It makes sure that when someone pushes us down, there is someone else who would pull us up. Life gives us an opportunity to become a much better person stronger in heart and mind. If we stop to think about it, we’ll end up thanking both.

Loving oneself is not selfishness

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance," says Oscar Wilde. 

Taking laws of attraction to another level is self-love. Loving ourselves attracts more love. As simple as that. But why is it that we don't practice it often? Because most of us confuse self-love with selfishness. Unfortunately we have been conditioned from childhood to think that to put oneself first amounts to self-centredness. What is the thin line that divides both? "Self love" spreads by including others too in the process while "selfishness" is loving one's own self at the exclusion of others. 

Ignoring the conditioned mind, let's start listening to our heart. Without procrastinating anymore, let's start practicing to love ourselves right now. Healthy self-love means doing things which adds quality to our lives.

Having confidence in ourselves, being kind to ourselves by binging on that chocolate once in a while, not feeling guilty when we take a much needed break to watch a movie occasionally, treating ourselves with a health spa when required, patting our own back on a success, taking responsibility for failures without remorse, be willing to accept help when offered, accepting and honoring our emotions when we feel like crying, accepting compliments gracefully, forgiving ourselves whenever we commit a mistake, being gentle and compassionate to ourselves. These are only small beginnings. 

One word of caution though about this life-long romance. Knowing where to draw the line. Else we would end up like this woman who loved herself a little too much.

A woman was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell her friends how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.
Everyone sympathized, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never did. I baked another cake and ate half!"

Redrawing gender roles

Shared from a Facebook page “Upworthy” (via inspiringthefuture.org)

It is a classroom with children between the ages of 5 & 7

One day three guest women come to the class.

One woman tells the children, “this afternoon we are going to draw pictures of people doing jobs. And the first we will draw is that of a firefighter.

All the children happily settle down to draw. “Mine is firefighter Gary," says one, “This is firefighter Stan"; "This is Simon. He is very strong,” say others. And it goes on.

“Next we are going to draw a surgeon,” says the second woman. Again a happy and hectic activity.

“What is the name of this surgeon?” asks the woman to one child. “This is Jim Bob. He is a brain surgeon,” says one. “He gives medicines,” says another.

“Next we are going to draw Fighter Pilot,” says the third woman.

One child draws a fighter plane and says, “This is Mr X. He rescues people.” And so on.

“Now we would meet these people for real,” says the women. There’s a cheerful “YES!” from all.

The three women go and come back as Firefighter, Surgeon and Fighter Pilot.

There’s an incredible gasp. Jaws wide open, faces with diverse expressions, the children look at all the three. They still don’t believe. “Fake, they are all dressed up,” they shout.

The first woman introduces herself as a surgeon.

The second introduces herself as a fighter pilot.

And the third, as a fire fighter.

There’s an unbelievable silence. The three women make the children don their caps and the children happily do so.

What is special about this incident?

61 pictures drawn were that of men and 5 as women!!!!!

Obviously, gender stereotypes are defined between the ages of 5 & 7.

When a real-life firefighter, surgeon, and fighter pilot drop in on a classroom, these kids have their assumptions turned around.

Watch this video https://www.facebook.com/Upworthy/videos/1309607832413405/

To remove this stereotyping, parents, teachers and other social agencies can teach their children to be androgynous, a person who may at will engage in both masculine or feminine behaviors & tasks as seen by the society; a person who focuses less on culturally built behaviours for males and females and rather focus more on a behaviour that is more operative under the given situations.

Isn’t it time we redrew the balance?

Looks or personality?

In a survey “Is it the looks or personality—which would you go for?” there were numerous answers. Most agreed that it has to be personality but despite, they do tend to go for looks.

Do looks really weigh heavier than the other aspects of the personality? Looks like it does in internet matrimony portal, sadly though.

A young spinster woman, 5’2” tall and little on the heavier side met with an accident and was to be admitted in the hospital. Her friend accompanied her. The nurse asked her about her physical height and weight specifications.

The young woman non-nonchalantly said, 5’8” and 58 kg.

The astonished nurse had to give a blank look.

The embarrassed friend whispered to the young woman, “Dear its not the internet matrimony portal!”

Many times, when we meet a person for the first time, in the blink of an eye, we make a judgment…

she seems rude,
I don’t like him,
oh he looks so compassionate,
I’m sure this one is a trustworthy person …..

Remember, first impressions based on looks tend to be based on personal biases and are made quickly without much consideration. Once this snap judgment is made, the damage is done. No budging.

It all started with a belief system during 18th century. A system called Physiognomy—the belief that you can judge a person’s character by looks, dates back to ancient Greeks and was popularized during 18th century. But during 19th century, physiognomy was written off as pseudoscience and met its own death.

Thanks to the researchers around the globe it has now taken a new and subtler avatar as new Physiognomy which is equally fascinating. Recent researchers believe that there exists some provoking indications that our faces can betray something about our personality and character.

Sadly enough even though the term “physiognomy” no longer resonates, the assumption of physical appearance as personality indicator lives on.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

No matter how much you push your looks, your ingrained personality traits remain the same.

What's prettier than freckles

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo.

Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.

"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little boy.

Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head.

His grandmother knelt down next to him.

"I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."

The boy looked up, "Really?"

"Of course," said the grandmother, humbly. 

"Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."

The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face and more humbly and softly whispered, "Wrinkles.”

Challenges make you stronger

There was a young boy who used to come for regular soccer practice but always played in the reserves and never made it to the soccer eleven.

While he was practicing, his father used to sit at the far end, waiting for him.

The matches had started and for four days, he didn't show up for practice or the quarter or semifinals.

All of a sudden he showed up for the finals, went to the coach and said, "Coach, you have always kept me in the reserves and never let me play in the finals. But today, please let me play."

The coach said, "Son, I'm sorry, I can't let you. There are better players than you and besides, it is the finals, the reputation of the school is at stake and I cannot take a chance."

The boy pleaded, "Coach, I promise I will not let you down. I beg of you, please let me play." The coach had never seen the boy plead like this before.

He said, "OK, son, go, play. But remember, I am going against my better judgment and the reputation of the school is at stake. Don't let me down."

The game started and the boy played like a house on fire. Every time he got the ball, he shot a goal. Needless to say, he was the best player and the star of the game. His team had a spectacular win.

When the game finished, the coach went up to him and said, "Son, how could I have been so wrong in my life. I have never seen you play like this before. What happened? How did you play so well?"

The boy replied, "Coach, my father is watching me today."

The coach turned around and looked at the place where the boy's father used to sit. There was no one there.

He said, "Son, your father used to sit there when you came for practice, but I don't see anyone there today."

The boy replied, "Coach, there is something I never told you. My father was blind. Just four days ago, he died. Today is the first day he is watching me from above."

Intelligence vs Good judgment

A person can be successful with or without formal education. But the tragedy is that there are many walking encyclopedias who are not allowing them to do so.

There is a story about a man who sold sandwiches by the roadside. He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers. He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.

But enthusiastically, he sold lots of sandwiches. His sales and profit went up. He ordered more bread and got himself a bigger and a better stove.

As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from college, joined his father. Then something strange happened.

The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?"

The father replied, "No, but tell me about it."

The son said, "The international situation is terrible. The domestic is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad time."

The man thought that since his son had been to college, read the papers, and listened to the radio, he ought to know and his advice should not be taken lightly.

So the next day, the father cut down his order for the bread and buns, took down the sign and was no longer enthusiastic.

Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his sandwich stand. And his sales started coming down rapidly.

The father said to his son, "Son, you were right. We are in the middle of a recession. I am glad you warned me ahead of time."

Many times we confuse intelligence with good judgment.

Self Appraisal

A Little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: “Lady, can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?”

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”

Boy: “Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now.”

Woman: “I’m very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting the lawn.”

Boy: (with more perseverance) “Lady, I’ll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.”

Woman: “No, thank you.”

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store-owner: “Son….I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”

Boy: “No thanks.”

Store-owner: “But you were really pleading for one.”

Boy: “No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!”

”This is called Self Appraisal”

Give your best and the world comes to you !!!

Each one is unique in God's creation

A samurai who was known for his nobility and honesty, went to visit a Zen monk to ask him for his advice.

When the monk had finished his prayers, the Samurai asked, “Why do I feel so inferior? I have faced death many times, have defended those who are weak. Nevertheless, upon seeing you meditating, I felt that my life had absolutely no importance whatsoever.”

“Wait. Once I have attended to all those who come to see me today, I shall answer you.” – replied the monk.

The samurai spent the whole day sitting in the temple gardens, watching the people go in and out in search of advice. He saw how the monk received them all with the same patience and the same illuminated smile on his face.

At nightfall, when everyone had gone, he demanded: “Now can you teach me?”

The master invited him in and lead him to his room. The full moon shone in the sky, and the atmosphere was one of profound tranquility. “Do you see the moon, how beautiful it is? It will cross the entire firmament, and tomorrow the sun will shine once again. But sunlight is much brighter, and can show the details of the landscape around us: trees, mountains, clouds. I have contemplated the two for years, and have never heard the moon say: why do I not shine like the sun? Is it because I am inferior?”

“Of course not.” – answered the samurai. “The moon and the sun are different things, each has its own beauty. You cannot compare the two.”

“So you know the answer. We are two different people, each fighting in his own way for that which he believes, and making it possible to make the world a better place; the rest are mere appearances.”

Do not compare yourself with anybody. Compare yourself with yourself, for yourself and by yourself. We are all uniquely pottered and purposed by our creator!

Learning to be silent

(A Zen story)

The pupils of the Tendai school used to study meditation before Zen entered Japan. Four of them who were intimate friends promised one another to observe seven days of silence.

On the first day all were silent. Their meditation had begun auspiciously, but when night came and the oil lamps were going dim, one of the pupils could not help exclaiming to the servant, “Fix those lamps”.

The second pupil was surprised to hear the first one talk. “We are not supposed to say a word,” he remarked.

“You are stupid. Why did you talk?” asked the third.

“I’m the only one who has not talked,” concluded the fourth one.

Face the Challenges

Nicolo Paganini was a well-known and gifted nineteenth century violinist. He was also well known as a great showman with a quick sense of humor. His most memorable concert was in Italy with a full orchestra. He was performing before a packed house and his technique was incredible, his tone was fantastic, and his audience dearly loved him. 

Toward the end of his concert, Paganini was astounding his audience with an unbelievable composition when suddenly one string on his violin snapped and hung limply from his instrument. Paganini frowned briefly, shook his head, and continued to play, improvising beautifully.

Then to everyone's surprise, a second string broke. 

And shortly thereafter, a third. 

Almost like a slapstick comedy, Paganini stood there with three strings dangling from his Stradivarius. 

But instead of leaving the stage, Paganini stood his ground and calmly completed the difficult number on the one remaining string.

Dazzling look or a meaningful personality?

A young spinster woman, 5’2” tall and little on the heavier side met with an accident and was to be admitted in the hospital. Her friend accompanied her. The nurse asked her about her physical height and weight specifications. 

The young woman non-nonchalantly said, 5’8” and 58 kg. 

The astonished nurse had to give a blank look. 

The embarrassed friend whispered to the young woman, “Dear its not the internet matrimony portal!” 

Yes, we live in an internet dominated age where looks weigh heavier than other aspects of the being. In a recent survey “Is it the looks or personality—which would you go for?” there were a myriad of answers. Most agreed that it has to be personality but despite, they do tend to go for looks. We all are painfully aware of the present scenario where a handsome man becomes the “blue-eyed boy” CEO of a corporate, the most charismatic face wins the elections, the most attractive faces become the brand ambassadors of any product.

It all started with a belief system during 18th century. A system called Physiognomy—the belief that you can judge a person’s character by looks, dates back to ancient Greeks and was popularized during 18th century. But during 19th century, physiognomy was written off as pseudoscience and met its own death. Thanks to the researchers around the globe it has now taken a new and more subtler avatar as new Physiognomy which is equally fascinating.

No doubt looks create a first highly influential impression and no doubt the first impression lasts too. Many times, when we meet a person for the first time, in the blink of an eye, we make a judgment—“he / she seems rude”, “I don’t like him / her”, “oh he looks so compassionate”, “I’m sure this one is a trustworthy person”…..etc. Once this snap judgment is made, the damage is done. No budging.

But is there really a validation in these snap judgments? More recently, researchers have re-examined the link between appearance and personality and have failed to find any association at all. On the contrary, there is some tormenting evidence that our faces can betray something about our character. An ‘innocent looking’ owner of a face may be as guilty as anyone else, for example.Looks can be deceitful. That’s because looks are a surface feature. That’s something that everybody notices all the time. Personality is a hidden feature which takes time to reveal itself. Looks are good for first impression sparks. Personality is really good for later on. Looks may be the first thing some people may pick up on, but no matter how dazzling the display is, there has to be something deeper to make a meaningful personality. 

After all, its said, “Do not judge a book by its cover.”

Someone said, “Good look catches the eye, but good personality catches the heart.” It cannot be expressed in a more superior manner.

Sure, let's care for our bodies, our looks. But life is prompting us not to overlook that inner splendor which translates into our personality. Ultimately that personality would win over looks.

"We make a difference"

Today is a special day. Teachers’ day. World over it’s the teachers who play the greatest role in moulding a child’s character. It is said that there are 3 kinds of teachers. A good teacher who tells, a superior teacher who explains and a great teacher who inspires. When I asked some teachers which one they would love to become, unanimously they all declared that they would love to belong to the third category. And how does the inspiring teacher stand out from the other teachers? What makes the difference? The answers were………

The inspiring teacher …………..
Influences the child to become........... what he wants to.
Shows a child who doesn’t like maths………………….how to love it
Makes the child put down the remote …………and take a book instead
Makes the child speak in front of the class……………without fear
Makes the child who feels butterflies in the stomach before a test……….feel good
Gives confidence to the child to do better on school……………….and on filed
Is a child’s super hero……….even if only for an hour
Treats the job less like a business………………and more like a pleasure
Is one who doesn’t quit……………until every child gets it

Yes. Just beneath the surface, in most teachers, beats a heart of service. They make a difference. Do you know why?

*It is because after God created men and women on the 6th day, he rested on the 7th day. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day.

For it was on that day-the 8th day-that God created the FIRST TEACHER.

This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications. 

In general, God made the TEACHER more durable than other men and women.

The TEACHER was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 p.m.- with no rest in between.

The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with thirty-five "monsters" on a rainy Monday.

And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 103 term papers over Easter vacation. Yes, God made the TEACHER tough...but gentle too.

The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student...of those of the sixteen year old girl who was not asked to the prom.

The TEACHER was equipped with three pairs of eyes, "One pair that can see a student for what he is and not what society has labeled him. Another pair must be in the back of her head, to see what she shouldn't, but what she has to know. And one last pair in front can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect, 'I understand and I still believe in you' without so much as uttering a word."

And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books haven't arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow.

And God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the TEACHER's heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, "I hate this class-it's boring!" and to love the kid who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a "goodbye", let alone a "thank you".

And lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell... hoping not to have lunchroom duty... hoping that Friday would come... hoping for a free day.... hoping for deliverance.

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, "Come to bed. Tomorrow..."

"I can't," said the Lord. "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who comes to work when she is too sick ...can still teach a class when they don't want to learn...loves thousands of children that are not her own...and all of this in both sexes. And wait until you see my Special Ed teacher! She is truly special; she will never take anything her students do for granted."

When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of his hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good! And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future.

He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS.

I bow to you teachers who make a difference in the child’s life. 

*http://www.inspiringteachers.com

Bold and Beautiful

Long ago the Kingdom of Chandrapuri was ruled by a king named Raja Ananda Chandra. He was very generous and was liked by his subjects. 

One day the king was worried because he was losing his hair. 

He noticed that every day the bald patch on his head was growing larger and larger. 

Finally he summoned his physician and told him that unless he did something to restore his hair he would cut off his (the physician’s) head. 

The poor man did his best, but he knew that there was no cure for baldness, and one day the last of the King’s hair fell off and he became completely bald. 

The physician was arrested and taken to the place of execution.

As he put his head on the execution block, his turban fell off. When the turban of the physician fell down, the king noticed that like him, the physician was also bald. The king now realised that baldness was a natural process. Everybody and anybody could suffer, it could not be stopped. He realized that when the physician could not grow hair for himself then how he could grow it for him.

This seemed to have a strange effect on the king. 

The king immediately stopped the execution and pardoned the man.  

The main point to ponder here is why did the king want to restore his hair in the first place at all? What would've happened if he became bald?

Mainly because we live in an age where most of us increasingly lay too much stress on physical beauty. We want face lifts, hair transplants and cosmetic surgery. Why? For no other reason than to sport a different look bent more towards so called ‘beauty’! It’s a pity that no one recognizes that beauty is a quality that shines from inner depths. It’s a pity that we have narrowed down the meaning of the word ‘beauty’. Poet Khalil Gibran said, "Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart." No, its not only women. Men too place great emphasis on their bodies. Studies show that in 1972, 17% of men didn't like their appearance. Today, almost 50% of men are reported being unhappy with their looks.

So what is required to accept baldness? Boldness. One needs to be bold enough to accept one’s own physical appearance. Be it dark, fat, thin, plump, bald……… One of the meanings that the dictionary gives for the word ‘bold” is being ‘self-assured’. When a person is self assured, he / she doesn’t feel insecure any more about his / her physical appearance. A self assured person knows fully well that the physical appearance inevitably changes with age. The more we accept the fact that the beauty lies within, the easier for us to let go of attachment to physical beauty and age gracefully

Sadly, the other day I was aghast to find in the book stall a bunch of books on “How to feel and look younger.” It left me wondering why should one “look younger”? Does it mean that as we age we start looking worse? How untrue! In my opinion, age brings in more maturity and inner beauty that has been gathered by life’s experiences. The physical beauty of youth will fade. But the beauty of the inner spirit, when nurtured, will grow forever. 

True it is said that body is like a temple. We should take care of it. But life advices us here to remember to be Bold and Beautiful. Says Steve Goodier, “Let's care for our bodies; we'll keep them for the rest of our lives. Let's be thankful for them and treat them well. But remember, the real you, the essence of you, cannot be improved by a bottle or a pill or a salon. It is a beautiful and glorious light shining from your heart to the heart of the world. Cherish the real you - it's pretty terrific. And let it shine.” 

Whose fault is it anyway?

There lived a lady who had the vicious habit of finding fault with everything and everyone. Her cleaner woman, though is doing the work non-stop,  "is always dodging the work.” Every repairman that comes to her house, “is a real cheater.” Every restaurant that she goes out to eat, “the food is unpalatable.” We come across such people every day in our lives. People who are hard to be pleased. Rather who refuse to be pleased. Why do people behave this way? What is the psychology behind such behavior?

The fundamental fact here is the insecurity that these people feel. Finding fault with others is one way of fighting that insecurity. A mechanism that puts them on top of the opposite person. Would love to share an interesting episode that I came across. 

An elderly couple were on a road trip and stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The woman left her eyeglasses on the table and suddenly remembered them half way through the highway while driving, where it was difficult for them to turn around. The husband fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant about her forgetting her eyeglasses everywhere. Finally when they were back in the restaurant and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "anyways, since you are going in, you may as well get my hat too." !!!!
As I have discussed in my previous posts, we would recognize that, when we find fault with others we are only seeing a mirror image of ourselves in that person and that life is trying to show us that image of ourselves in the opposite person. This may be illustrated by an episode from the Mahabharata.

One day, Krishna summoned Duryodhana and Dharmaraj and asked them to make a study of the people in the kingdom. He asked Duryodhana to find out how many good people existed in the country. He asked Dharmaja to find out how many bad people were there in the kingdom. Duryodhana went round and reported that he could find no good person anywhere. Dharmaja reported to Krishna that he could find no bad man anywhere in their kingdom.

It is easier to find fault with others than accepting the responsibility. It’s a common human tendency to attribute one’s own success to “ability” while others’ successes are due to their “good luck” and one's own failures are due to "bad luck" while others' failures are due to "lack of ability". 

No doubt, there are times when finding fault / criticizing becomes necessary. Calling a spade a spade is not a crime. But how we do is what matters. If the intention is to project ourselves as superior or smarter, not only do we create negative vibrations but hurt the sentiments of others thus alienating ourselves from that person. On the other hand, if it's done in a humble, gentle and genuine manner, intending as a healthy criticism, then the act makes both the parties stronger. Most people learn by love and compassion rather than by criticism.

Another thought provoking email in this regard:

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called his family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple, informal test; which he could perform and give them a better idea about her hearing loss.

“Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone, see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

That evening, when his wife was in the kitchen, cooking dinner, he was in the drawing room, standing about 40 feet away from her. “Dear, what’s for dinner?”, he asked in a normal tone. No response! So he moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeated “Dear, what’s for dinner?” Still there was no response.

Next, he moved into the dining room where he was placed about 20 feet from his wife and asked the same question. Still further, he didn’t get his awaited response. He now walked up to the kitchen door which was another 10 feet away and asked “Dear, what’s for dinner?” Again no response! So he walks up and whispers behind her “Dear, what’s for dinner?”

“Darling, for the fifth time I’ve said, “Tomato rice”. “Do you have some hearing problem?” 

Sometimes the problem may not be with the other person as we always think. It could be within us. Let’s look within ourselves before we find fault with others.