Pushers & Pullers

Educator Booker T. Washington observed, "There are two ways of exerting one's strength; one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." 

Pushers and pullers are the two types of people that we need to deal with on a daily basis in this world. 

Formers are the types who push you down, suck the energy from you and demotivate you. The negative type. 

Latters are those who pull you up, inspire you and motivate you to achieve your goals and dreams. The positive type.

Undeniably, we all love pullers and need more of them in our lives. They are like a cup of cool water for a dry and parched throat. Dealing with this type is the easiest. We can relate to them effortlessly. They ooze out positivity which is infectious.

We avoid and detest those who push us down. It’s this variety, the negative ones, that cause the concern. It can be really tough to get back up once someone has knocked us down. Self-confidence gets heavily beaten up. Self-doubt and insecurities get triggered and are hard to put aside. 

Let’s face it. In reality, life doesn't consist only of pullers. It is a concoction of both types. It takes all sorts to make the world go around. We are compelled to deal with both.

How to deal with these pushers?

 

One way of dealing is “ignore” or “accept”.

"Ignore" when we understand that the pushing down is caused by plain jealousy. Admit that it’s the way these pushers are made. It’s not our task to change them. Our focus should only be on changing ourselves and our insights for the better. Best is to keep a distance from these pushers. Leave them behind and move on. They are not worth walking along with.

"Accept" when we find that the criticism is true, based on fact and not biased. After all, let’s give the benefit of doubt to the offender. Let’s work on the conjecture that not always do people have an agenda in their minds. We might’ve committed a blunder inadvertently and hence we have to deal with it. Hence let’s ‘accept’ the pushing down.

And last comes the most elevated way. Send them your love! I know it’s THE MOST difficult task on earth. If all of us had achieved the echelon of this elevation, we wouldn't be discussing this topic here. Right? And why should we send them, the offenders our love? Because it’s what we expect from them. Since they are lacking in it, let’s provide them with some quotient of it.

But the silver lining in the cloud is this. Life is not so cruel. It makes sure that when someone pushes us down, there is someone else who would pull us up. Life gives us an opportunity to become a much better person stronger in heart and mind. If we stop to think about it, we’ll end up thanking both.

Stop being a glass. Become a lake

(Parable)

Once a lady was disturbed, feeling insulted and finding it difficult to cope up with her difficult situations in life. She had heard of a great old man who is the best teacher. She decided to go to him and ask him to teach her how to manage life. 

After hearing her problems, the old man instructed the unhappy lady to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. 

"How does it taste?" he asked. 

"Very bad and salty," replied the lady.

Then the old man asked the lady to walk with him to a nearby lake. Then he asked her to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. When the lady swirled handful of salt into the lake, the old man said, "Now go get a glass of water from the lake and drink it"

After she drank the lake water the old man asked, "How does it taste?" 

"Good!" replied the lady. 

"Did you taste the salt?" asked the Master. 

"No, not at all " said the lady.

The Old man said, "The problems, and the pain you feel are just like handful of pure salt, no more, no less. The amount of pain and problems in life remains exactly the same. But the amount we learn to tolerate the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to accept it with patience and learn to solve the problems. Stop being a glass. Become a lake!"

Let go or Hang on?

These are 2 stories on the same concept but with a different ending.

Story no 1:

http://serenityhelp.com/addiction-information/understanding-monkey-traps/

In South Africa a young girl watched her mother weave a simple basket. She asked her mother, “What are you making?” The wise mother replied, “We are short on money and need to buy coal for our stove. So, I am making a monkey trap.”

“But, momma that basket is far too small for a monkey to fit into. I know it won’t work.”

“Well, the trap is quite small child. But, the trap needs to only fit the hand of the monkey, not his body to work.”

“Mmm, I don’t understand.”

“You see we chain this basket to a strong tree and put inside a delicious piece of fruit. When the monkey notices the fruit inside the basket, he grabs the fruit quickly and tries to pull it out. Surprise, our trap is not wide enough for him to remove his clenched fist with the bait. So, he is stuck, trapped, and we can sell him alive to the Afrikaners.”

“Why doesn’t the monkey just let go of the fruit and escape?”

“Because the monkey is greedy, single minded, and obsessed with the fruit. He will not let go because he is afraid someone else may get it or he will have to find something else to eat that he cannot see.”

“Momma’ I’m very glad I am not as dumb as a monkey!”

Story 2:
Tales & Parables of Sri Ramakrishna

In a certain place the fishermen were catching fish.

A kite swooped down and snatched a fish. At the sight of the fish, about a thousand crows chased the kite and made a great noise with their cawing.

The kite flew to the south and the crows followed it there. The kite flew to the north and still the crows followed after it. 

The kite went east and west, but with the same result. Whichever way the kite flew with the fish, the crows followed it.

As the kite began to fly about in confusion, lo, the fish dropped from its mouth. The crows at once let the kite alone and flew after the fish.

Thus relieved of its worries, the kite sat on the branch of a tree and thought: 'That wretched fish was at the root of all my troubles. I have now got rid of it and therefore I am at peace.'

Learning?

If the monkeys just surrendered what they were holding on to, they could have been free. They are stubborn, hoping that they will be able to have their food and their freedom at the same time. 

As long as the kite was holding on to the fish, it was under lot of pressure from the crows to release it. The moment he released it he was at peace.

Worldly desires put a lot of pressure on us. The pursuit of those desires force worries, anxieties and restlessness on us. These desires are the Nuts that we are hanging on to which deny us the Peace. We do not rest till those desires are fulfilled. When one desire is fulfilled, another one crops up creating more and more pressure. 

let us introspect: What are we holding on to? What can we let go to be free? Is living life like a roller coaster ride is what we want or a peaceful life?

Of course, it is hard to let go but not impossible. One should be mentally strong to control those desires. But no sooner do we renounce these desires than we start enjoying peace of soul.

Do you want to be the monkey or the kite? 

Where does God reside?

Author Unknown

Once upon a time, when God had finished making the world, he wanted to leave behind a piece of His own divinity, a spark of His essence, a promise to man of what he could become, with effort. He looked for a place to hide this precious gift because, He explained, what man could find too easily would never be valued by him.

"Then you must hide this gift on the highest mountain peak on earth," said one of his counselors.

God shook His head, "No, for man is an adventuresome creature and he will soon enough learn to climb the highest mountain peaks."

"Hide it then, O Great One, in the depths of the earth."

"I think not," said God. "for man will one day discover that he can dig into the deepest parts of the earth."

"In the middle of the ocean then, Master?"

God shook His head. "I've given man a brain, you see, and one day he'll learn to build ships and cross the mightiest oceans."

"Where then, Master?" cried His counselors.

God smiled, "I'll hide it where every man and woman will be able to find it if they look sincerely and deeply enough. I'll hide it in their heart."

This explains why our Heart is always equated to compassion. The Almighty, embodiment of compassion, resides there. He is Love incarnate and so Heart is a symbol for love. Heart represents the feeling-based wisdom while head represents reason-based wisdom. That’s why it is always said, whenever in doubt, listen to the heart. After all it is God who guides us from there.

Know your worth

Author Unknown     

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a 2000 Re note. In the room of 200, he asked. "Who would like this note?"

Many hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this to one of you - but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the note up. He then asked. "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rs 2000. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.”

Remember: Those who love you do not care what you do, how you do, when you do or why you do but love you for WHO YOU ARE. That is your worth.

Positives in Negatives

A woman was sitting at her dining table, worried about taxes to be paid, house-work to be done and to top it all, her family was coming over for Thanksgiving the next day. 

Worried and Tired as she was, she was not feeling very thankful at that time.

As she turned her gaze sideways, she noticed her young daughter scribbling furiously into her notebook. She asked her, “What are you writing?”

“My teacher asked us to write a paragraph on “Negative Thanksgiving” for homework today,” said the daughter. “She asked us to write down things that we are thankful for, things that make us feel not so good in the beginning, but turn out to be good after all.”

With curiosity, the mother peeked into the book. This is what her daughter had written:
“I’m thankful for Final Exams, because that means school is almost over.
I’m thankful for bad-tasting medicine, because it helps me feel better.
I’m thankful for waking up to alarm clocks, because it means I’m still alive”.

It then dawned on the mother, that she had a lot of things to be thankful for!

She thought again…
She had to pay taxes but that meant she was fortunate to be employed.

She had house-work to do but that meant she had her own home to live in.
She had to cook for her family for Thanksgiving but that meant she had a family with whom she could celebrate.

My thoughts:

Learning to stay positive in life is vital. Looking for the positives in a negative situation can completely change your perspective on the situation at hand. Not that they will allow you to be happy in life but they will no doubt give you strength to deal with any challenges in life. Accepting a situation and finding a solution and by being thankful to what you have are sure ways of looking at a negative situation with positivity. 

Do not Quit

Author Unknown

A dramatic ballad singer studied under a strict teacher who insisted that he rehearse day after day, month after month the same passage from the same song, without being permitted to go any further.

Finally, overwhelmed by frustration and despair, the young man ran off to find another profession.

One night, stopping at an inn, he stumbled upon a recitation contest. Having nothing to lose, he entered the competition and, of course, sang the one passage that he knew so well.

When he had finished, the sponsor of the contest highly praised his performance. Despite the student’s embarrassed objections, the sponsor refused to believe that he had just heard a beginner perform.

“Tell me,” the sponsor said, “who is your instructor? He must be a great master.” 

The student later became known as the great performer Koshiji.

Story Courtesy: https://academictips.org/blogs/practice-makes-perfect-dont-quit/

All are equal

Story contributed by Preeti Ramakrishnan

Once there was a fight in Anita's kitchen. Salt and sugar were fighting for superiority. 

"I am simply the best creation of God," said salt. 

"I make food so tasty that man can't do without me."

Sugar got angry with salt. It felt that it was the best. 

"I am much better than you," said sugar. 

"What sweetness I bring to every dish," it said with pride.

Sugar and Salt were so boastful that all the other ingredients in Anita's kitchen were now fed up. 

"What do they  think?" asked tamarind to pepper. 

"Just because I am sour, does it make me less special?"

Pepper felt that salt could not do without it. Coffee powder was angry at sugar for not giving it any importance.

All the spices in Anita's kitchen were very agitated too. 

But there was one spice, Turmeric which was very quiet. 

"Please don't fight dear Salt and Sugar," requested Turmeric. "Each ingredient in the shelf is important in it's own way," said Turmeric with a smile.

Sugar and Salt looked at Turmeric and mockingly laughed at it. "So you are going to tell us what to do and how to behave,"  they asked very angrily. Turmeric calmly replied that all ingredients were useful and nothing was superior or inferior.

Suddenly Anita's son Rohan entered the house crying. Anita was worried. 

"What happened?" asked Anita. 

"I was playing football when suddenly I fell down. My wound is bleeding profusely," cried Rohan.

"Who will help him now?" wondered the ingredients. 

Anita then reached out for Turmeric powder and said, "Don't worry my son. Turmeric will stop the bleeding immediately."  

Soon Turmeric stopped the bleeding and Rohan was happy again. 

But now there was silence in Anita's shelf. Salt and sugar realized what Turmeric had said earlier. They became aware of the fact that everything has value and good qualities and that everything was the same in nature's eyes. 

They thanked Turmeric as it was not only a great healer but also a wonderful Teacher.

Loving oneself is not selfishness

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance," says Oscar Wilde. 

Taking laws of attraction to another level is self-love. Loving ourselves attracts more love. As simple as that. But why is it that we don't practice it often? Because most of us confuse self-love with selfishness. Unfortunately we have been conditioned from childhood to think that to put oneself first amounts to self-centredness. What is the thin line that divides both? "Self love" spreads by including others too in the process while "selfishness" is loving one's own self at the exclusion of others. 

Ignoring the conditioned mind, let's start listening to our heart. Without procrastinating anymore, let's start practicing to love ourselves right now. Healthy self-love means doing things which adds quality to our lives.

Having confidence in ourselves, being kind to ourselves by binging on that chocolate once in a while, not feeling guilty when we take a much needed break to watch a movie occasionally, treating ourselves with a health spa when required, patting our own back on a success, taking responsibility for failures without remorse, be willing to accept help when offered, accepting and honoring our emotions when we feel like crying, accepting compliments gracefully, forgiving ourselves whenever we commit a mistake, being gentle and compassionate to ourselves. These are only small beginnings. 

One word of caution though about this life-long romance. Knowing where to draw the line. Else we would end up like this woman who loved herself a little too much.

A woman was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell her friends how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.
Everyone sympathized, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never did. I baked another cake and ate half!"

Redrawing gender roles

Shared from a Facebook page “Upworthy” (via inspiringthefuture.org)

It is a classroom with children between the ages of 5 & 7

One day three guest women come to the class.

One woman tells the children, “this afternoon we are going to draw pictures of people doing jobs. And the first we will draw is that of a firefighter.

All the children happily settle down to draw. “Mine is firefighter Gary," says one, “This is firefighter Stan"; "This is Simon. He is very strong,” say others. And it goes on.

“Next we are going to draw a surgeon,” says the second woman. Again a happy and hectic activity.

“What is the name of this surgeon?” asks the woman to one child. “This is Jim Bob. He is a brain surgeon,” says one. “He gives medicines,” says another.

“Next we are going to draw Fighter Pilot,” says the third woman.

One child draws a fighter plane and says, “This is Mr X. He rescues people.” And so on.

“Now we would meet these people for real,” says the women. There’s a cheerful “YES!” from all.

The three women go and come back as Firefighter, Surgeon and Fighter Pilot.

There’s an incredible gasp. Jaws wide open, faces with diverse expressions, the children look at all the three. They still don’t believe. “Fake, they are all dressed up,” they shout.

The first woman introduces herself as a surgeon.

The second introduces herself as a fighter pilot.

And the third, as a fire fighter.

There’s an unbelievable silence. The three women make the children don their caps and the children happily do so.

What is special about this incident?

61 pictures drawn were that of men and 5 as women!!!!!

Obviously, gender stereotypes are defined between the ages of 5 & 7.

When a real-life firefighter, surgeon, and fighter pilot drop in on a classroom, these kids have their assumptions turned around.

Watch this video https://www.facebook.com/Upworthy/videos/1309607832413405/

To remove this stereotyping, parents, teachers and other social agencies can teach their children to be androgynous, a person who may at will engage in both masculine or feminine behaviors & tasks as seen by the society; a person who focuses less on culturally built behaviours for males and females and rather focus more on a behaviour that is more operative under the given situations.

Isn’t it time we redrew the balance?